Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Benefit of the Doubt
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My brother is a Facebook fan of two things: God, and Rihanna. If he's not a prime example of the rare "Baptist closeted gay," I don't know who is.
You saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It is virtually impossible to listen to "Single Ladies"and perform any seated task.
My brother is a Facebook fan of two things: God, and Rihanna. If he's not a prime example of the rare "Baptist closeted gay," I don't know who is.
You saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It is virtually impossible to listen to "Single Ladies"and perform any seated task.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
NEWS UPDATE
The trainer DID NOT have a sex change
There is no ramp for the handicapped during fire drills on the far side of Fitts
Lucas can do 40 push ups
Mr. Donlon is a total tool
Peter's Mood Update:
In the mood to jump out of a plane. While I'm falling, I'm going to deploy a parachute, and just before I land, I go in for a swooping dive, and as im soaring over the ground, I kick all of my teachers in the face. And then I quit Cross Country, and then I'm happy. But until I do all that, I am not.
There is no ramp for the handicapped during fire drills on the far side of Fitts
Lucas can do 40 push ups
Mr. Donlon is a total tool
Peter's Mood Update:
In the mood to jump out of a plane. While I'm falling, I'm going to deploy a parachute, and just before I land, I go in for a swooping dive, and as im soaring over the ground, I kick all of my teachers in the face. And then I quit Cross Country, and then I'm happy. But until I do all that, I am not.
Susan
Me: Razvan, what is your honest opinion of *Hadil?
Razvan: Susan is extremely... nosey. No pun.
* Freshman who sits at our lunch table for no reason at all. She has a large nose.
Razvan: Susan is extremely... nosey. No pun.
* Freshman who sits at our lunch table for no reason at all. She has a large nose.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Art Student Survey :)
Do you like being single/taken?:
Taken..."Like dem cops grabbin' at da last jelly doughnut BITCH!"
What I don’t understand is:
Why are some people so anal? Actually no, why did I fail my driving test twice?????????
Something I will miss when I leave home is:
Family.... and those kickass antique stores.
I lose respect for people who:
Are cocky as hell and act like they know everything, or people who are complete jerks for no reason....be nice, life is short.
The worst pain I was ever in was?:
It's either between my tattoo or when my bottom tooth went through my lip...
My weakness is:
Chocolate, vintage clothing, anything to do with mangos, traveling, art, oil paints.
Taken..."Like dem cops grabbin' at da last jelly doughnut BITCH!"
What I don’t understand is:
Why are some people so anal? Actually no, why did I fail my driving test twice?????????
Something I will miss when I leave home is:
Family.... and those kickass antique stores.
I lose respect for people who:
Are cocky as hell and act like they know everything, or people who are complete jerks for no reason....be nice, life is short.
The worst pain I was ever in was?:
It's either between my tattoo or when my bottom tooth went through my lip...
My weakness is:
Chocolate, vintage clothing, anything to do with mangos, traveling, art, oil paints.
Orange Juice
I was in such a shitty mood on Monday because there was no orange juice left in my refridgerator. As many of you know, I now have my own apartment because I can't stand being around my parents. Con: There is never any milk, eggs, bread, or orange juice because I am currently paying for my own food. I opened the fridge that morning, and I was ashamed yet also slightly proud that one whole shelf was just Kool-Aid Jammers. Nothing else. This is how Cassidy described it.
Orange Juice Tragedy
Rebecca: "Brooke, are you happy?"
Brooke: "No."
Rebecca: "Why?"
Brooke: "We ran out of orange juice at my house."...
Orange Juice Tragedy
Rebecca: "Brooke, are you happy?"
Brooke: "No."
Rebecca: "Why?"
Brooke: "We ran out of orange juice at my house."...
Monday, October 19, 2009
Another Bucket List
1. learn chinese
2. live in a foreign country for more than a year
3. skydiving (everybody says this but I really do)
4. deep sea diving
5. sail across an ocean
6. get in a fist fight and lose
7. get in a fist fight and win
8. shoot a gun at something other than a target
9. patent something
10. invent something revolutionary
11. run a marathon
12. climb a 8000+ meter mountain
13. snowboard down said mountain
14. fly a plane
15. get in a street race
16. go to jail for something
17. get Joey to stop calling me a fag
18. break away from the union
19. make my own flag
20. go to Australia
21. bike through said Australia
22. see a lion outside of a zoo
23. swim with sharks outside a cage
24. earn a million dollars
25. do something that people would put in a history book
26. read said history book and say “Hey! That’s me!!”
27. call one of my current friends in 20 years
28. find Mrs. Brown in 20 years and tell her what i really think of her
29. throw a midget
30. got to the Olympics
31. see the 7 wonders of the world
32. flip a coin and get it to land on its edge
33. say something on the news
34. do a backflip
35. learn to skateboard
36. get a swiss bank account
37. get on a tv show
38. meet a famous person and become friends
39. kill Edward Cullen
40. drive a sports car
41. crash said sports car
42. run away from said sports car wreck
43. set a world record
44. get in a movie
45. go surfing on one of those infinite wave machines
46. create the most comfortable chair ever
47. cut a class
48. go to college
49. go camping/be a hermit/live outside for one year
50. light a giant bonfire with a bag on nondairy creamer
51. have a car drive towards me at a high speed
52. jump on the hood of said car, and continue running over the other side
53. try parkour
54. drive 100 mph
55. finish the list of 100 things to do before I die
56. play a sport on a professional team
57. find out why everybody is making a list like this one
58. shake hands with Chuck Norris
59. get a speeding ticket
60. get a ride in Mr. Stebbins inconspicuous white van
61. make Shayna afraid of me
62. beat Greg at DDR
63. skydive with a wingsuit
64. go to a snowboard camp
65. steal a mac from the mac cart in school and never get caught
66. go on Oprah and get a humpback whale
67. go to southern china and see the giant Buddha
68. almost lose a limb/finger in an obscure accident
69. change my name to Peter Dover
70. find the license plate number and home address of all of my teachers
71. have a kid and name him Ben Dover
72. become advanced (nationally)
73. run a 5:00 mile
74. sleep through a whole school day
75. travel to every continent for at least one year
76. write a book and have people line up for me to sign it
77. learn to fly
78. make Maxx forget about the chipwhich
79. quit the track team
80. shoot a hammer
81. snowboard a super pipe
82. win a game of bingo
83. create the most awkward situation imaginable
84. *awkward turtle*
85. go into a dollar store with a 100 dollar bill
86. give a hobo a 20, and ask for change
86. get a good phone
87. show off said phone to everybody
88. have everybody be amazed by my phone
89. overcome my obsession with phones
90. become a pirate
2. live in a foreign country for more than a year
3. skydiving (everybody says this but I really do)
4. deep sea diving
5. sail across an ocean
6. get in a fist fight and lose
7. get in a fist fight and win
8. shoot a gun at something other than a target
9. patent something
10. invent something revolutionary
11. run a marathon
12. climb a 8000+ meter mountain
13. snowboard down said mountain
14. fly a plane
15. get in a street race
16. go to jail for something
17. get Joey to stop calling me a fag
18. break away from the union
19. make my own flag
20. go to Australia
21. bike through said Australia
22. see a lion outside of a zoo
23. swim with sharks outside a cage
24. earn a million dollars
25. do something that people would put in a history book
26. read said history book and say “Hey! That’s me!!”
27. call one of my current friends in 20 years
28. find Mrs. Brown in 20 years and tell her what i really think of her
29. throw a midget
30. got to the Olympics
31. see the 7 wonders of the world
32. flip a coin and get it to land on its edge
33. say something on the news
34. do a backflip
35. learn to skateboard
36. get a swiss bank account
37. get on a tv show
38. meet a famous person and become friends
39. kill Edward Cullen
40. drive a sports car
41. crash said sports car
42. run away from said sports car wreck
43. set a world record
44. get in a movie
45. go surfing on one of those infinite wave machines
46. create the most comfortable chair ever
47. cut a class
48. go to college
49. go camping/be a hermit/live outside for one year
50. light a giant bonfire with a bag on nondairy creamer
51. have a car drive towards me at a high speed
52. jump on the hood of said car, and continue running over the other side
53. try parkour
54. drive 100 mph
55. finish the list of 100 things to do before I die
56. play a sport on a professional team
57. find out why everybody is making a list like this one
58. shake hands with Chuck Norris
59. get a speeding ticket
60. get a ride in Mr. Stebbins inconspicuous white van
61. make Shayna afraid of me
62. beat Greg at DDR
63. skydive with a wingsuit
64. go to a snowboard camp
65. steal a mac from the mac cart in school and never get caught
66. go on Oprah and get a humpback whale
67. go to southern china and see the giant Buddha
68. almost lose a limb/finger in an obscure accident
69. change my name to Peter Dover
70. find the license plate number and home address of all of my teachers
71. have a kid and name him Ben Dover
72. become advanced (nationally)
73. run a 5:00 mile
74. sleep through a whole school day
75. travel to every continent for at least one year
76. write a book and have people line up for me to sign it
77. learn to fly
78. make Maxx forget about the chipwhich
79. quit the track team
80. shoot a hammer
81. snowboard a super pipe
82. win a game of bingo
83. create the most awkward situation imaginable
84. *awkward turtle*
85. go into a dollar store with a 100 dollar bill
86. give a hobo a 20, and ask for change
86. get a good phone
87. show off said phone to everybody
88. have everybody be amazed by my phone
89. overcome my obsession with phones
90. become a pirate
Canadian Geese (Peter)
If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?1.) Legalize marijuana
2.) Take over New Zealand {They have it coming}
Tell me something about you that I don't know
I just found out that Brooke is deathly afraid of Canadian Geese
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Jesus {regardless of gender}
What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
So.... that's what you really look like?
What is your weapon of choice?
It's a tie between a nuke and a sniper
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?
Jesus
What is the last lame excuse that you made?
"I can't, I have to get my Christmas tree."
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?
Mix up all three and you get a fried Twinkie. It's the best thing ever
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?
...once...or twice...
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
Does Brooke count?
2.) Take over New Zealand {They have it coming}
Tell me something about you that I don't know
I just found out that Brooke is deathly afraid of Canadian Geese
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Jesus {regardless of gender}
What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
So.... that's what you really look like?
What is your weapon of choice?
It's a tie between a nuke and a sniper
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?
Jesus
What is the last lame excuse that you made?
"I can't, I have to get my Christmas tree."
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?
Mix up all three and you get a fried Twinkie. It's the best thing ever
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?
...once...or twice...
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
Does Brooke count?
Twas The Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.
Except for my son Billy's pet mouse named Chris.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.
Anyway, my wife in her kerchief and I in my cap,
Were asleep after a long day of Christmassy crap.
When then, from the chimney, there arose quite a clamour,
"There's someone in the house" my frightened wife stammered.
I reached for the bedside, grabbed my handgun and said,
"This trespasser's getting an ass full of lead"
I crept down the stairway, and slid down the hall,
And handgun in hand, I peered 'round the wall.
The burglar wore red, and stood fat and stout,
With a large burlap sack, to hold jewelry no doubt.
Who this guy was, I just couldn't place,
For a bushy white beard covered most of his face.
Now, I'm not a bad person, I think you'd agree,
But you just don't break into a man's house, you see.
"Hey you" I said, as he spun 'round with a twitch,
"Merry Christmas, you son of a bitch!"
I fired a shot as he dove to the floor.
Through a flurry of tinsel, I fired twice more.
"Please stop!" he yelled loudly, "You don't understand"
"Stay away from my family, you disgusting old man"
With his finger on his nose, he lept with a burst,
And dashed for the fireplace, but I got there first.
I pushed the muzzle into his beard white as snow,
When suddenly a small voice behind me cried "No!"
I turned 'round and saw it was Billy, my son.
With his pet mouse in hand, he said "Put down the gun.
What are you doing? Don't you know who that is?Couldn't you tell by that red hat of his?
That's Santa Claus, dad. It's jolly Saint Nick.Now put down the gun. Come on, don't be a dick."
Billy was right, this old man meant no harm.
I holstered my gun, as he outstretched his arm.
In a flash he took the gun right out of its holder,
And fired a shot into my left shoulder.
"Goddamnit!" I cried as I fell to the floor,
While the burglar made haste toward the jewelry drawer.
"I feel kind of bad" he said, filling his sack,
"But you believe in Santa, so cut me some slack.
Maybe next time someone breaks into your house,
You won't listen to some six year old kid with a mouse."
Then he yelled, as he ran off with my bigscreen TV,
"Merry Christmas to all. Well, maybe to me!"
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.
Except for my son Billy's pet mouse named Chris.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.
Anyway, my wife in her kerchief and I in my cap,
Were asleep after a long day of Christmassy crap.
When then, from the chimney, there arose quite a clamour,
"There's someone in the house" my frightened wife stammered.
I reached for the bedside, grabbed my handgun and said,
"This trespasser's getting an ass full of lead"
I crept down the stairway, and slid down the hall,
And handgun in hand, I peered 'round the wall.
The burglar wore red, and stood fat and stout,
With a large burlap sack, to hold jewelry no doubt.
Who this guy was, I just couldn't place,
For a bushy white beard covered most of his face.
Now, I'm not a bad person, I think you'd agree,
But you just don't break into a man's house, you see.
"Hey you" I said, as he spun 'round with a twitch,
"Merry Christmas, you son of a bitch!"
I fired a shot as he dove to the floor.
Through a flurry of tinsel, I fired twice more.
"Please stop!" he yelled loudly, "You don't understand"
"Stay away from my family, you disgusting old man"
With his finger on his nose, he lept with a burst,
And dashed for the fireplace, but I got there first.
I pushed the muzzle into his beard white as snow,
When suddenly a small voice behind me cried "No!"
I turned 'round and saw it was Billy, my son.
With his pet mouse in hand, he said "Put down the gun.
What are you doing? Don't you know who that is?Couldn't you tell by that red hat of his?
That's Santa Claus, dad. It's jolly Saint Nick.Now put down the gun. Come on, don't be a dick."
Billy was right, this old man meant no harm.
I holstered my gun, as he outstretched his arm.
In a flash he took the gun right out of its holder,
And fired a shot into my left shoulder.
"Goddamnit!" I cried as I fell to the floor,
While the burglar made haste toward the jewelry drawer.
"I feel kind of bad" he said, filling his sack,
"But you believe in Santa, so cut me some slack.
Maybe next time someone breaks into your house,
You won't listen to some six year old kid with a mouse."
Then he yelled, as he ran off with my bigscreen TV,
"Merry Christmas to all. Well, maybe to me!"
The Richard Nixon Song
who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
ri-chard nix-on
corrupt incompetent and impeached is he
ri-chard nix-on
if political scandal be something you wish...
then drop to the floor and cry out with anguish!
ri-chard nix-on
ri-chard nix-on
riiiiii-chaaaaaaaaaaaaard niiiiiiiiiix-ooooooon!!!
ri-chaaaaaaaaaaaaard nix-oooooooooon!!!
da da da da da,
da da, da da!
dun dun!
ri-chard nix-on
corrupt incompetent and impeached is he
ri-chard nix-on
if political scandal be something you wish...
then drop to the floor and cry out with anguish!
ri-chard nix-on
ri-chard nix-on
riiiiii-chaaaaaaaaaaaaard niiiiiiiiiix-ooooooon!!!
ri-chaaaaaaaaaaaaard nix-oooooooooon!!!
da da da da da,
da da, da da!
dun dun!
Peter Questions (Why Not?)
Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I have sensitive teeth, so I can't bite it.
Would you dance to the taco song?
HELL YES!!!
What are you craving right now?
Slow roasted baby back ribs
First thing you wash in the shower?
Arms. Always
Do you like cottage cheese?
Would you like to spork your own eyes out?
Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes. He is a brick
Ever have cream puffs?
Idk. Is that a sexual innuendo?
Are you sarcastic?
Never!
Can you hula hoop?
Never. Ever.
I have sensitive teeth, so I can't bite it.
Would you dance to the taco song?
HELL YES!!!
What are you craving right now?
Slow roasted baby back ribs
First thing you wash in the shower?
Arms. Always
Do you like cottage cheese?
Would you like to spork your own eyes out?
Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes. He is a brick
Ever have cream puffs?
Idk. Is that a sexual innuendo?
Are you sarcastic?
Never!
Can you hula hoop?
Never. Ever.
Internet Troubles
Ok. I was going to post this as a status, but screw that. I have been sitting at my desk for thirty minutes just trying to get here. I know this is stupid, but my internet network decided to ban my computer entirely. So now I'm stealing my neighbor's internet and it is as slow as an elephant carrying it's morbidly obese sister up Mt. Everest.
And that pisses me off. So now I sit and wait for this page to load, and start writing my note.
O!! What's this? It would seem that I was disconnected from the other network too! What great news!! That just makes my rant all the better.
By the way, FML. Just had to say that. It is also 11:15 right now, and I have no idea how long it will take to post all of this. But anyway, here it is..... ok, wonderful.
I can't connect back to the other network, and I can't connect back to my network. So I'm going to copy and paste this, so even after I turn off my computer it is safe, and I will have proof of my rage.
Also, fml. Again. Ok. Now its 11:30, and I'm really tired. This might end up being a long note.
So this week is only going to be four days long, then we get a vacation. That's nice.
I know, isn't it? This is getting kinda creepy, i'm having a conversation with my self. Dude. You need to get a life. Ok. Getting late now. Really should go to bed.
But I really want to keep writing too. Just to let you all know, when I wrote writing, I wound up typing writhing, which is a word for rolling on the ground in great pain.
Which is what i'm going to be doing at track because I skipped on Friday and I didn't run all weekend. Except for reffing.
(Ran up and down a soccer sideline for 3 damn hours in the sun) and I made 50$# Oops. Didn't mean to put the # there. But i'm going to leave it there. I really am getting tired now, should go to bed (also, this is a really long note now. You have to scroll to read all of it. lol)
Day 2: Network still down. First connecting network shut down yesterday.
Beginning to think that the internet must just hate me. But now I'm stuck on this LOST THE GAME one window, so I guess I might as well make my time here worth while. Which means that you all have to read this. But not really. But if you do read through all of this, then you really have no life. Sorry.
And that pisses me off. So now I sit and wait for this page to load, and start writing my note.
O!! What's this? It would seem that I was disconnected from the other network too! What great news!! That just makes my rant all the better.
By the way, FML. Just had to say that. It is also 11:15 right now, and I have no idea how long it will take to post all of this. But anyway, here it is..... ok, wonderful.
I can't connect back to the other network, and I can't connect back to my network. So I'm going to copy and paste this, so even after I turn off my computer it is safe, and I will have proof of my rage.
Also, fml. Again. Ok. Now its 11:30, and I'm really tired. This might end up being a long note.
So this week is only going to be four days long, then we get a vacation. That's nice.
I know, isn't it? This is getting kinda creepy, i'm having a conversation with my self. Dude. You need to get a life. Ok. Getting late now. Really should go to bed.
But I really want to keep writing too. Just to let you all know, when I wrote writing, I wound up typing writhing, which is a word for rolling on the ground in great pain.
Which is what i'm going to be doing at track because I skipped on Friday and I didn't run all weekend. Except for reffing.
(Ran up and down a soccer sideline for 3 damn hours in the sun) and I made 50$# Oops. Didn't mean to put the # there. But i'm going to leave it there. I really am getting tired now, should go to bed (also, this is a really long note now. You have to scroll to read all of it. lol)
Day 2: Network still down. First connecting network shut down yesterday.
Beginning to think that the internet must just hate me. But now I'm stuck on this LOST THE GAME one window, so I guess I might as well make my time here worth while. Which means that you all have to read this. But not really. But if you do read through all of this, then you really have no life. Sorry.
Peter-Chuck
What do you think when someone kisses you on your forehead?
Wow. Thanks for putting your chin right in my eyes. I really need that.
Can you sleep without blankets on you?
AAAAHHHH!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!
What is one thing that bothers you about most girls?
The drama almost weighs out the reward. Almost.
Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My temples itched the moment I read that.
Are you wearing a ring?
*checks* No.
Do you have a box where you keep all your really important things?
I have a cigar box full of cool Legos and a 20 sided die and some Irish coins.
Where were you at 11:47 pm last night?
Watching you sleep. P.S. You snore.
Wow. Thanks for putting your chin right in my eyes. I really need that.
Can you sleep without blankets on you?
AAAAHHHH!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!
What is one thing that bothers you about most girls?
The drama almost weighs out the reward. Almost.
Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My temples itched the moment I read that.
Are you wearing a ring?
*checks* No.
Do you have a box where you keep all your really important things?
I have a cigar box full of cool Legos and a 20 sided die and some Irish coins.
Where were you at 11:47 pm last night?
Watching you sleep. P.S. You snore.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Dear Weather Men,
Hey weather men. It isn't raining here. It's actually pretty sunny. No big storm. It can't possible be all this hard to tell what the weather's going to be like, considering the fact that you have a reasonable amount of resources and technology. Just putting that out there.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Will Bailey?
Will came up to me during Period 4 and stroked my shoulder. He told me I had really smooth skin, and walked away. It's an hour and a half later, and i'm still confused. :\
Epic Jack Quote
I can only express my emotions and feelings through my music, I am one with my guitar and I hope to one day make it cry and laugh and scream and dance when i feel the same way. My music opens the hidden doors of my mind and explores them sending new ideas and impulses through my veins to my hands to my guitar to the world, to share, to love, to live, I hide behind my music and attack with my music, I am my music and my music is me.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Big Italian Mobster
Quotes from my giant italian mobster friend.
I'm done with the fakeness, it makes me wanna break shit.
I ain't gonna lie I don't have a six pack I have a bad temper and a baseball bat.
I will slap you with a beef patty
A hungry dog does not fear the stick
I'm done with the fakeness, it makes me wanna break shit.
I ain't gonna lie I don't have a six pack I have a bad temper and a baseball bat.
I will slap you with a beef patty
A hungry dog does not fear the stick
Lobster Shells
There are a ton.
That time I came up with the ingenius idea of having a soap party at her house. Suds EVERYWHERE. Her whole kitchen was full of soap bubbles, it was amazing.
Eating chili on the fireplace. That was great. Our original idea was to go hang out at my apartment, but we ended up sitting on Delaney's fireplace eating tubs of homeade chili.
"Well I won't be home"
"We know your garage code, we'll steal all your food."
You guys scare me. Bt now we are ADT protected, so the alarm will go off. A.K.A. Brooke-Proof. -Delaney
ADT? Pshhh. Nothing in this world is Brooke Proof. Except lobster shells. But only lobster shells though.
That time I came up with the ingenius idea of having a soap party at her house. Suds EVERYWHERE. Her whole kitchen was full of soap bubbles, it was amazing.
Eating chili on the fireplace. That was great. Our original idea was to go hang out at my apartment, but we ended up sitting on Delaney's fireplace eating tubs of homeade chili.
"Well I won't be home"
"We know your garage code, we'll steal all your food."
You guys scare me. Bt now we are ADT protected, so the alarm will go off. A.K.A. Brooke-Proof. -Delaney
ADT? Pshhh. Nothing in this world is Brooke Proof. Except lobster shells. But only lobster shells though.
Razvan=My Life
I just got an e-mail from Razvan saying "Your name is Brooke Peterson and mine isn't." My life is complete.
Peter Has Been Advanced
The National Association for the Advancement of Peter Lombardo
Peter is my main man. I created the NAAPL in Justice class and made Mrs. Murphy join it. Bitch.
Join us in the quest to advance Peter...we need to get him some chicks. -Mary
PETER! YOU WERE OFFICIALLY ADVANCED THIS WEEK! For many reasons. One of them is that you did good at hurdles yesterday.
The next reason is that you are the most AMAZING READER EVER!
Seriously after you read today I was like "Woah, man, seriously, that rocked." And then Mrs. Murphy was all "Oh Mary, you read now." and I was like "Shit how am I ever going to follow that?"
Nice job.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Drunk Quotes (we all have them)
Beer does different things to different people. These are some ANONYMOUS quotes from friends of mine who have gotten... ummm... intoxicated... "cough" shit faced "cough" and said some pretty amazing things.
"I want my FUCKING Dunkaroos!!"
"NO, NO, I wanna be Dora the Explorer. Guys, stop snickering, I'm not fucking kidding you! I'm gonna change my name to Dora and explore shit! COME EXPLORE SHIT WITH ME!!"
"Let's go on a venture. Ages 14-20!!! It's sponsored by the goddamn BOY SCOUTS! How kick ASS is that!?"
"You know what would be funny? Actually, nevermind."
"No, now you need to tell me!"
"But... I realized it wouldn't be very funny at all..."
"What was it?"
"I was gonna say Wouldn't it be funny if one of my teachers tried to sleep with me... but then i realized that wasnt funny at all."
"You're right. That wasnt funny. Not even a little."
"Lemonade on a spoon is a popsicle, right?"
"Oh, you son of a bitch!! GO EAT FOLIAGE!"
"Wait, wheres my purse? Oh, here it is, it was around my neck."
"Go to Motel 6, they leave the light on for you."
"I hate when black people use slavery against us. It's like the japanese holding a grudge for the nuclear bomb."
"Everybody wants to be Brooke Peterson. Even I want to be Brooke Peterson!!"
"Doctah James Rominelli. Breasssssst augmentations."
"Wow. It's like baking the cake with the stripper still in it."
"Who was that muppet? That hook nosed son of a bitch?!"
"Who's pants are those!?"
"Colin's...."
"Why??"
"I dunno, he just handed them to me and left!"
"What are you going to college to become?"
"Uhm... a Cheetah Girl."
"How many years of undergrad is that?"
*looking at a knife in a bow tie*
"Wow, that knife looks SHARP. GET IT?!"
HAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!
"Gary, you're really pretty. Im dead serious, if you wore a little eyeliner, you'd be beautiful."
"You look like a lion. Really."
"Fuck cops! Pissing off the system, one cop at a time!"
"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. You have crossed the line!"
"Everyone loves a moose. They just don't know it."
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
"LET ME CLEAN YOUR EARS!"
"Hey! It's Hannah Montana pissing in my drink!!"
"I am Captain Coors!! King of the Carpet Ship!!!!"
"I want my FUCKING Dunkaroos!!"
"NO, NO, I wanna be Dora the Explorer. Guys, stop snickering, I'm not fucking kidding you! I'm gonna change my name to Dora and explore shit! COME EXPLORE SHIT WITH ME!!"
"Let's go on a venture. Ages 14-20!!! It's sponsored by the goddamn BOY SCOUTS! How kick ASS is that!?"
"You know what would be funny? Actually, nevermind."
"No, now you need to tell me!"
"But... I realized it wouldn't be very funny at all..."
"What was it?"
"I was gonna say Wouldn't it be funny if one of my teachers tried to sleep with me... but then i realized that wasnt funny at all."
"You're right. That wasnt funny. Not even a little."
"Lemonade on a spoon is a popsicle, right?"
"Oh, you son of a bitch!! GO EAT FOLIAGE!"
"Wait, wheres my purse? Oh, here it is, it was around my neck."
"Go to Motel 6, they leave the light on for you."
"I hate when black people use slavery against us. It's like the japanese holding a grudge for the nuclear bomb."
"Everybody wants to be Brooke Peterson. Even I want to be Brooke Peterson!!"
"Doctah James Rominelli. Breasssssst augmentations."
"Wow. It's like baking the cake with the stripper still in it."
"Who was that muppet? That hook nosed son of a bitch?!"
"Who's pants are those!?"
"Colin's...."
"Why??"
"I dunno, he just handed them to me and left!"
"What are you going to college to become?"
"Uhm... a Cheetah Girl."
"How many years of undergrad is that?"
*looking at a knife in a bow tie*
"Wow, that knife looks SHARP. GET IT?!"
HAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!
"Gary, you're really pretty. Im dead serious, if you wore a little eyeliner, you'd be beautiful."
"You look like a lion. Really."
"Fuck cops! Pissing off the system, one cop at a time!"
"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. You have crossed the line!"
"Everyone loves a moose. They just don't know it."
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
"LET ME CLEAN YOUR EARS!"
"Hey! It's Hannah Montana pissing in my drink!!"
"I am Captain Coors!! King of the Carpet Ship!!!!"
God Help Us All
Look to my right... she’s dancing like she's playing Dance Dance Revolution and her character is a drunken moose.
How do you wash Frank’s red hot sauce, whipped cream, grape juice, and shame out of silk?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
This homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what I wish for...
Question. What would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. Hypothetically.
You kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming ‘euthanized!'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Told a girl I wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I puked after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wanted to be an Indian when I was a child. Apparently you cannot grow up to be an Indian.
Just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a Taco Bell...I feel like that’s cheating...
This is so important. How many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How do you wash Frank’s red hot sauce, whipped cream, grape juice, and shame out of silk?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
This homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what I wish for...
Question. What would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. Hypothetically.
You kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming ‘euthanized!'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Told a girl I wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I puked after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wanted to be an Indian when I was a child. Apparently you cannot grow up to be an Indian.
Just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a Taco Bell...I feel like that’s cheating...
This is so important. How many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Official 60 Things To Do List
1: See Brokeback Mountain again, but this time with Selena.
2: Watch Lipstick Jungle, and find out what all the fuss is about.
3: Find Osama
4: Go somewhere awesome on spring break with Brooke and Rachael
5: Meet Oprah
6: Invent square balloons
7: Go to Denny's
8: Get all A's (yeah right)
9: Get pet lizards
10: Make a huge cookie with Lexi
11: Go to a Backstreet Boys concert
12: Break a world record
13: Learn bird calls
14: Buy a leash for Margaux
15: Build a spaceship out of cardboard boxes
16: Plant a banana tree in the courtyard at school
17: Stand in the middle of New York City with a "Free Hugs" sign
18: Walk to Canada
19: Learn how to play the harmonica
20: Go to a nude beach...and laugh
21: Ride on the actual Polar Express
22: Have numerous affairs with random rock stars
23: Go too a bar and NOT be kicked out for once (lol Brooke)
24: Be recognized for something good
25: Be one of the people that stands out in the cold and rings a bell to collect money for the Salvation Army
26: Get a job at a pet store
27: Live at McFly's rental in Australia with Selena, without them knowing
28: Make doughnuts
29: Learn how to spell the word Definitely without looking it up (P.S I just had to look it up)
30: Write a sitcom
31: Be an advertiser on an infomercial
32: Ride a Segway everywhere for a month
33: Make an important scientific discovery
34: Find out how to stop being a dork
35: Finally accept that I am a dork, and embrace it
36: Make peace with my cat
37: Try to understand football
38: Get a "Woody" doll from Toy Story
39: Watch all the Land Before Time movies in order in one day
40: Spend a week straight watching every episode of Friends from start to finish
41: Take a boat to Nova Scotia
42: Get on a train and go wherever it takes me...and meet awesome people
43: Give $100 to a homeless person
44: Try to quit watching "Untold Stories of the E.R" on TLC
45: Accept that I will never stop watching "Untold Stories of the E.R" on TLC, because the bad acting is just fantastic
46: Change my name to something really cool
47: Go to a taping of "The View"
48: Kill myself immediately afterwards
49: Get a house in Provincetown with all my friends
50: Find out what olives are really classified as
51: Go in Mr. K's car
52: Take care of CJ...
53: Hug Mr. Bent
54: Rent a llama, and bring it to school
55: Be Sarah Jessica Parker
56: Take bellydancing classes
57: Be happy
58: Go to France with Margaux and Brooke
59: Not get HIV
60: Meet Jim Booth
2: Watch Lipstick Jungle, and find out what all the fuss is about.
3: Find Osama
4: Go somewhere awesome on spring break with Brooke and Rachael
5: Meet Oprah
6: Invent square balloons
7: Go to Denny's
8: Get all A's (yeah right)
9: Get pet lizards
10: Make a huge cookie with Lexi
11: Go to a Backstreet Boys concert
12: Break a world record
13: Learn bird calls
14: Buy a leash for Margaux
15: Build a spaceship out of cardboard boxes
16: Plant a banana tree in the courtyard at school
17: Stand in the middle of New York City with a "Free Hugs" sign
18: Walk to Canada
19: Learn how to play the harmonica
20: Go to a nude beach...and laugh
21: Ride on the actual Polar Express
22: Have numerous affairs with random rock stars
23: Go too a bar and NOT be kicked out for once (lol Brooke)
24: Be recognized for something good
25: Be one of the people that stands out in the cold and rings a bell to collect money for the Salvation Army
26: Get a job at a pet store
27: Live at McFly's rental in Australia with Selena, without them knowing
28: Make doughnuts
29: Learn how to spell the word Definitely without looking it up (P.S I just had to look it up)
30: Write a sitcom
31: Be an advertiser on an infomercial
32: Ride a Segway everywhere for a month
33: Make an important scientific discovery
34: Find out how to stop being a dork
35: Finally accept that I am a dork, and embrace it
36: Make peace with my cat
37: Try to understand football
38: Get a "Woody" doll from Toy Story
39: Watch all the Land Before Time movies in order in one day
40: Spend a week straight watching every episode of Friends from start to finish
41: Take a boat to Nova Scotia
42: Get on a train and go wherever it takes me...and meet awesome people
43: Give $100 to a homeless person
44: Try to quit watching "Untold Stories of the E.R" on TLC
45: Accept that I will never stop watching "Untold Stories of the E.R" on TLC, because the bad acting is just fantastic
46: Change my name to something really cool
47: Go to a taping of "The View"
48: Kill myself immediately afterwards
49: Get a house in Provincetown with all my friends
50: Find out what olives are really classified as
51: Go in Mr. K's car
52: Take care of CJ...
53: Hug Mr. Bent
54: Rent a llama, and bring it to school
55: Be Sarah Jessica Parker
56: Take bellydancing classes
57: Be happy
58: Go to France with Margaux and Brooke
59: Not get HIV
60: Meet Jim Booth
25 Things
1. Erin just caught a glimpse of how impatient I actually am, and it wasnt pretty
2. I become unhealthily close to anyone I meet. I really should be careful about that
3. I am "BLACK by popular demand"
4. I have had many different lives, trust me.
5. I'm not a book smart, but i'm very witty.
6. I actually don't know what witty means, but people call me it a lot
7. Im sitting on Erin's lap right now. It is sexy
8. Hahaha my cat is stuck to the couch right now!!!!!!!!! And i'm not gonna help her cuz shes a bitch.
9. I am taking my cat Tibby to prom. I had a full length conversation about it with her yesterday.
10. WOOOOAHHH! We're halfway there! WOOOAH! Living on a prayer!
11. I am in a love Tenagon, but it only contains 9 people. (Love Tenagon Logic.)
12. Joe gave me a bottle of Lube today...
13. I do NOT remember Corey's brown polka dot dress!
14. Erin is my twin. Trust me.
15. If you dont give me a Twinkie now, I will KILL MYSELF AND THEN RUN AWAY FROM HOME!
16. That shirt you're wearing...I have it in burgundy...
17. I once sold one of my kidneys to a 12 year old boy in Bangladesh
18. Key Lime Body Lust completes everything in my life.
19. Eh mah gawd. The Clique movie is life changing.
20. I really strive to smell like Margaux.
21. I am a MAJOR Air Traffic Groupie.
22. Vincent has a nice ass and he's a good kisser (haa Joe)
23. I've never met a black Jew...or a red headed Indian. And i'd like to.
24. N*SYNC changed my life. CHANGED IT! Ain't no lie, baby bye bye bye!
25. Morgan Freeman is BLACK GOD and no one can change that. NO ONE!
2. I become unhealthily close to anyone I meet. I really should be careful about that
3. I am "BLACK by popular demand"
4. I have had many different lives, trust me.
5. I'm not a book smart, but i'm very witty.
6. I actually don't know what witty means, but people call me it a lot
7. Im sitting on Erin's lap right now. It is sexy
8. Hahaha my cat is stuck to the couch right now!!!!!!!!! And i'm not gonna help her cuz shes a bitch.
9. I am taking my cat Tibby to prom. I had a full length conversation about it with her yesterday.
10. WOOOOAHHH! We're halfway there! WOOOAH! Living on a prayer!
11. I am in a love Tenagon, but it only contains 9 people. (Love Tenagon Logic.)
12. Joe gave me a bottle of Lube today...
13. I do NOT remember Corey's brown polka dot dress!
14. Erin is my twin. Trust me.
15. If you dont give me a Twinkie now, I will KILL MYSELF AND THEN RUN AWAY FROM HOME!
16. That shirt you're wearing...I have it in burgundy...
17. I once sold one of my kidneys to a 12 year old boy in Bangladesh
18. Key Lime Body Lust completes everything in my life.
19. Eh mah gawd. The Clique movie is life changing.
20. I really strive to smell like Margaux.
21. I am a MAJOR Air Traffic Groupie.
22. Vincent has a nice ass and he's a good kisser (haa Joe)
23. I've never met a black Jew...or a red headed Indian. And i'd like to.
24. N*SYNC changed my life. CHANGED IT! Ain't no lie, baby bye bye bye!
25. Morgan Freeman is BLACK GOD and no one can change that. NO ONE!
Joe Burns' Life Story
"This is life. The fat people get blurred, the scene kids get cut out, and the rest of us just sit there with one shoe and ponder it all."- Mary Parisi on Joe Burns
The Break Up
Last night Jack and Mary broke up. They were together for almost a year, and Jack's birthday was last weekend... this sucks.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
YOU KIDS TODAY
YOU KIDS TODAY WITH YOUR STEERING WHEEL
AND YOUR RAP MUSIC
AND YOUR YOUTUBE DOT COM
AND YOUR DUNGAREES
AND YOUR LOLLIPOPS
AND YOUR FROSTED FLAKES
AND YOUR NATIONAL SECURITY ANGENCY
AND YOUR GRAPHIC NOVELS
AND YOUR DIGITAL CAMERAS
AND YOUR FLAGS
AND YOUR IRAN
AND YOUR DAID EGER
AND YOUR CINEMA
AND YOUR IRELAND
AND YOUR AUTOMOTIVE COLLAPSE
AND YOUR TYLER DURDEN
AND YOUR PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA
AND YOUR VERB CONJUGATIONS
AND YOUR BERKELY COLLEGE
AND YOUR JIM MORRISON
AND YOUR HOLLOW TREES
AND YOUR BOO RADLEY
AND YOUR AUSTRIAN INDEPENDENCE
AND YOUR MODEL AIRPLANES
AND YOUR INTERNATIONAL HIGHWAYS
AND YOUR BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS
AND YOUR ANDREW SCHWARTZ
AND YOUR MICHIGAN STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS SET TO 25 YEARS
AND YOUR MEDICAL LICENSES
AND YOUR CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
AND YOUR BEDSHEETS
AND YOUR TURTLES
AND YOUR HARD-ROCK CAFE
AND YOUR GREEN
AND YOUR HAIR PRODUCTS
AND YOUR DEMETRI MARTIN
AND YOUR JOSEF FRITZL
AND YOUR RON WEASLEY
AND YOUR JANE AUSTEN
AND YOUR ZOMBIES
AND YOUR LYMPHOMA
AND YOUR NINJUTSU
Holy shit.
I can't feel my left hand...
AND YOUR RAP MUSIC
AND YOUR YOUTUBE DOT COM
AND YOUR DUNGAREES
AND YOUR LOLLIPOPS
AND YOUR FROSTED FLAKES
AND YOUR NATIONAL SECURITY ANGENCY
AND YOUR GRAPHIC NOVELS
AND YOUR DIGITAL CAMERAS
AND YOUR FLAGS
AND YOUR IRAN
AND YOUR DAID EGER
AND YOUR CINEMA
AND YOUR IRELAND
AND YOUR AUTOMOTIVE COLLAPSE
AND YOUR TYLER DURDEN
AND YOUR PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA
AND YOUR VERB CONJUGATIONS
AND YOUR BERKELY COLLEGE
AND YOUR JIM MORRISON
AND YOUR HOLLOW TREES
AND YOUR BOO RADLEY
AND YOUR AUSTRIAN INDEPENDENCE
AND YOUR MODEL AIRPLANES
AND YOUR INTERNATIONAL HIGHWAYS
AND YOUR BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS
AND YOUR ANDREW SCHWARTZ
AND YOUR MICHIGAN STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS SET TO 25 YEARS
AND YOUR MEDICAL LICENSES
AND YOUR CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
AND YOUR BEDSHEETS
AND YOUR TURTLES
AND YOUR HARD-ROCK CAFE
AND YOUR GREEN
AND YOUR HAIR PRODUCTS
AND YOUR DEMETRI MARTIN
AND YOUR JOSEF FRITZL
AND YOUR RON WEASLEY
AND YOUR JANE AUSTEN
AND YOUR ZOMBIES
AND YOUR LYMPHOMA
AND YOUR NINJUTSU
Holy shit.
I can't feel my left hand...
Volleyball Concussion
The worst pain I was ever in was:
Last October, when I got my first concussion. It fucking killed, and I went to support my volleyball team, and the coach kept patting me on the head and I was holding back tears lmao. I'll never forget. Owwwww
Last October, when I got my first concussion. It fucking killed, and I went to support my volleyball team, and the coach kept patting me on the head and I was holding back tears lmao. I'll never forget. Owwwww
Mary Survey
Don't tell me lies, where's your man?
Reptar Land
Have you faced any of your fears lately?
Uhh I'm currently working on not being afraid of tongues.
Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?
My friends, certain family members, my...therapist?
What would be the first thing you would do with 100,000 dollars?
College, camera equipment, lots of elephants
What's something you learned today?
582 licks to the center of a Tootsie pop. You're welcome world.
Name three things around you:
Laptop, purple dog that Beth Greenawalt won for me while intoxicated at Septemberfest last year, and fuzzy socks with bunnies on them.
Are any of your pets overweight?
Chubs. That's why I call her chubs even though her name is Tibby
Reptar Land
Have you faced any of your fears lately?
Uhh I'm currently working on not being afraid of tongues.
Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?
My friends, certain family members, my...therapist?
What would be the first thing you would do with 100,000 dollars?
College, camera equipment, lots of elephants
What's something you learned today?
582 licks to the center of a Tootsie pop. You're welcome world.
Name three things around you:
Laptop, purple dog that Beth Greenawalt won for me while intoxicated at Septemberfest last year, and fuzzy socks with bunnies on them.
Are any of your pets overweight?
Chubs. That's why I call her chubs even though her name is Tibby
Monday, October 12, 2009
Emoticons?...
ERIN ROGALIN
"Guys I'm calm, I'm fucking calm guys!"
"I'm mad, I'M MAD! I dont think I'm happy right now!"
"This is necessary and happening."
"I don't know what Bojangles is. Watch it be some male strip club... for men."
"Hello Wendy's? Can you let us in? IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE!"
"Guys I'm calm, I'm fucking calm guys!"
"I'm mad, I'M MAD! I dont think I'm happy right now!"
"This is necessary and happening."
"I don't know what Bojangles is. Watch it be some male strip club... for men."
"Hello Wendy's? Can you let us in? IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE!"
EPIC <3
WOW. I drunkenly TIVO-ed an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. -Sabrina
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70's. -Lexi
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?- Brooke
We sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. He actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open. -Sabrina
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award.- Tyler
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.- Brooke
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.- Alex
Rachael, I don't have fun when you have fun. I have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.- Brooke
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.- Billy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.- Reggie
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe- Kristen
Just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. I said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. How jealous are you?- Aunt Nancy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70's. -Lexi
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?- Brooke
We sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. He actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open. -Sabrina
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award.- Tyler
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.- Brooke
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.- Alex
Rachael, I don't have fun when you have fun. I have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.- Brooke
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.- Billy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.- Reggie
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe- Kristen
Just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. I said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. How jealous are you?- Aunt Nancy
Please Barney?
I was sitting in math class, humming while I worked on a problem, when all of a sudden the bitchy girl in front of me turns around and say
"Brooke, shut up!"
For those of you who do not know me personally, I don't do bitchy.
I don't.
"Excuse me? Maybe you should use the magic word."
Bitchy girls get me violent.
"Okay. SHUT YOUR TRAP."
Ohhh no she didn't.
"Wow, you did not just say that to me."
I was slightly pissed at this point.
"Uhm, I think I DID."
I thought you did too you stupid bitch, it was retorical.
"Ever watch Barney? Maybe if you said please I might stop."
This is when she really pissed me off.
"Barney isn't even real!"
woah.
"Don't fucking talk to me unless you're ready to use manners."
{5 Minutes Later}
Mean Math Girl
"Will you please open the window in back of you?"
"Brooke, shut up!"
For those of you who do not know me personally, I don't do bitchy.
I don't.
"Excuse me? Maybe you should use the magic word."
Bitchy girls get me violent.
"Okay. SHUT YOUR TRAP."
Ohhh no she didn't.
"Wow, you did not just say that to me."
I was slightly pissed at this point.
"Uhm, I think I DID."
I thought you did too you stupid bitch, it was retorical.
"Ever watch Barney? Maybe if you said please I might stop."
This is when she really pissed me off.
"Barney isn't even real!"
woah.
"Don't fucking talk to me unless you're ready to use manners."
{5 Minutes Later}
Mean Math Girl
"Will you please open the window in back of you?"
SECOND Request?!
As you know, my homeroom teacher is a total prick. Always late, never takes attendance, donates our TRACK SHOES TO CHARITY WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION.
Anyways... I got a letter from the dean today.
It was bad.
It was in mostly caps lock saying "THIS IS MY SECOND REQUEST!! YOU MUST HAND IN YOUR EMERGENCY CARD!!"
I was emotionally crushed. Where was my first warning? Where was the sweet, polite, very calm and controlled first warning that I was so used to getting?
Not there.
That's when i realized something. I had an EPIPHANY.
You're not always going to get that first warning.
(Even if your homeroom teacher isn't a dick who fails at giving letters to you promptly.)
Sometimes in life there is no first request.
Sometimes there's only a second request, a hard smack in the face. So be prepared, and hand in your goddamn emergency card or your dean will send you a nasty letter.
Anyways... I got a letter from the dean today.
It was bad.
It was in mostly caps lock saying "THIS IS MY SECOND REQUEST!! YOU MUST HAND IN YOUR EMERGENCY CARD!!"
I was emotionally crushed. Where was my first warning? Where was the sweet, polite, very calm and controlled first warning that I was so used to getting?
Not there.
That's when i realized something. I had an EPIPHANY.
You're not always going to get that first warning.
(Even if your homeroom teacher isn't a dick who fails at giving letters to you promptly.)
Sometimes in life there is no first request.
Sometimes there's only a second request, a hard smack in the face. So be prepared, and hand in your goddamn emergency card or your dean will send you a nasty letter.
Halloween
It's right around the corner! My (tentative) Halloween Schedule:
2:00 Volunteer work at the Burr School's Halloween party
5:00 Mary/Erin's Halloween Party
7:00 Trick or Treating (you're never too old)
10:00 Masquerade Ball in New York City <3
2:00 Volunteer work at the Burr School's Halloween party
5:00 Mary/Erin's Halloween Party
7:00 Trick or Treating (you're never too old)
10:00 Masquerade Ball in New York City <3
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Favorite Mary Story
OMFG. Story as in singular? NOT plural? I don't think I can answer this... Hmm...
-Maybe barrel rolling across Mr. Bent's floor.
-Or throwing that worm onto Sorbello's car.
-OH! Telling Mr. Lane that your fiancé was going to kick his ass, and to meet him at apartment 20.
-Hm. Maybe that time when we were making a bucket list, and we wanted to see the inside of Mr K's car.
-Or me getting on your shoulders and wrapping a trench coat around us to sneak into the teacher's lounge.
-Maybe screwing with Madame Marrash until she locks us out, or throwing our crap into the pot smoking corner.
-There's the time when you totally dissed Courtney, and told her that she was NOT the coach.
-There's also the time you had to explain to Mr. O that meltdowns are frequent with me.
-Maybe the time I broke my ankle, you spanked the air behind me, and my mother saw you.
-The time we cracked Jewish jokes while in the car with your mother, or
-Maybe all the times we hung out with Mrs. Rembish and discussed female teachers having sex with their underaged students.
God... there are way too many memories with Mary to express in this small box, but i'm sure as hell going to try my best.
-There was the time Mr Lane threw a sock at you, for no reason at all.
-And the time we called Ms. Wojo a frigid bitch, and decided that
-Shawn was kind of a douche, but he was cute.
-The time you said you stuck your finger through the penis hole, and Mr Laprad was RIGHT THERE. That was great...
-Amistad was epicly amazing in every way also. No words describe those 3 hour meeting with black professor and Mrs. Fish.
-The fact that we make up songs to random license plate numbers, and the fact that
-I eat too much and you're malnourished. I think im almost done, hang on.
-Eating Vienna fingers with Kevin.
-Calling him Kevin to his face, and watching his reaction.
-Getting into shit with girls that shouldn't be screwing with you in the first place, because everyone knows you can beat the shit out of them.
I do have a favorite story though. Of all time. I don't even know if you remember it, but i do. I DO.
-We were coming out of Liftig's class, and we were running, because we do that. And suddenly, out of nowhere, Todd appears. You slide so perfectly, and came to a screeching halt right in front of him. Your words exactly were "HEYY TODD!" Right after that we came to the conclusion that Todd's shins are great! Aren't they JUST?!
These were my Mary stories, and I hope you enjoyed this brief (not really) recap.
-Maybe barrel rolling across Mr. Bent's floor.
-Or throwing that worm onto Sorbello's car.
-OH! Telling Mr. Lane that your fiancé was going to kick his ass, and to meet him at apartment 20.
-Hm. Maybe that time when we were making a bucket list, and we wanted to see the inside of Mr K's car.
-Or me getting on your shoulders and wrapping a trench coat around us to sneak into the teacher's lounge.
-Maybe screwing with Madame Marrash until she locks us out, or throwing our crap into the pot smoking corner.
-There's the time when you totally dissed Courtney, and told her that she was NOT the coach.
-There's also the time you had to explain to Mr. O that meltdowns are frequent with me.
-Maybe the time I broke my ankle, you spanked the air behind me, and my mother saw you.
-The time we cracked Jewish jokes while in the car with your mother, or
-Maybe all the times we hung out with Mrs. Rembish and discussed female teachers having sex with their underaged students.
God... there are way too many memories with Mary to express in this small box, but i'm sure as hell going to try my best.
-There was the time Mr Lane threw a sock at you, for no reason at all.
-And the time we called Ms. Wojo a frigid bitch, and decided that
-Shawn was kind of a douche, but he was cute.
-The time you said you stuck your finger through the penis hole, and Mr Laprad was RIGHT THERE. That was great...
-Amistad was epicly amazing in every way also. No words describe those 3 hour meeting with black professor and Mrs. Fish.
-The fact that we make up songs to random license plate numbers, and the fact that
-I eat too much and you're malnourished. I think im almost done, hang on.
-Eating Vienna fingers with Kevin.
-Calling him Kevin to his face, and watching his reaction.
-Getting into shit with girls that shouldn't be screwing with you in the first place, because everyone knows you can beat the shit out of them.
I do have a favorite story though. Of all time. I don't even know if you remember it, but i do. I DO.
-We were coming out of Liftig's class, and we were running, because we do that. And suddenly, out of nowhere, Todd appears. You slide so perfectly, and came to a screeching halt right in front of him. Your words exactly were "HEYY TODD!" Right after that we came to the conclusion that Todd's shins are great! Aren't they JUST?!
These were my Mary stories, and I hope you enjoyed this brief (not really) recap.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Music Video
Trying desperately to make a music video for my friends' band. Once I have everything configured i'll post a link :)
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Razvan's Brooke Story
Well, that one time we were in Malaysia and the fucking Velociraptor came out of nowhere... I swear had Brooke not been there, Razvan would be short 1 life... here's to Brooke and her amazing laser gun skills.
Lyrics of my life?!
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out
Cumberland Farms Chill Zone
Chill Zone (official most amazing place ever),
the only place in the world that lets you mix up any drink you can think of,
frozen or fountain,
for just 79 cents any size.
Go to Cumberland Farms and Mix Up Yours today.
I'm so cool I'll even list the flavors.
Berry Backlash
Lemonaze
Lotta Lemon
Mad Cola
Monkey Freeze
NRG Kick
Purple Palooza
Razza Lemon
Red Rage
Sour Apple Shock
Strawberry Monkey
Sucka Punch
the only place in the world that lets you mix up any drink you can think of,
frozen or fountain,
for just 79 cents any size.
Go to Cumberland Farms and Mix Up Yours today.
I'm so cool I'll even list the flavors.
Berry Backlash
Lemonaze
Lotta Lemon
Mad Cola
Monkey Freeze
NRG Kick
Purple Palooza
Razza Lemon
Red Rage
Sour Apple Shock
Strawberry Monkey
Sucka Punch
Comments on... Angelica Pickles
I'll admit, she was clever.
But she was always eating and yelling at those "dumb" babies. And they were so not dumb. I would have NEVER thought to put a screwdriver in my diaper!!! Brilliant! I laughed so hard on the episode when Chuckie was getting potty trained and she made fun of him, and then that night she wet the bed. Yeahhh, the bitch had it coming. -Mary
Monday, October 5, 2009
Pot Cake
Yeah, i mean i've never even made pot browniez but im thinking cake would be better.
Nut-free weed cake
Sounds delicious.
Perfection. Like gum. And Yesmine Bleh.
Okay so i'll get the bakery right on the pot cake.
Sounds like a plan.
Pot cake was the best thing to come out of this thread.
How the fuck can you be mad..we came up with pot cake.
I think the whole problem here is that we all dont have pot cakes RIGHT NOW
Chris and Jack would like weed cake.
POT CAKE= PARTY....gah..nobody understands
Yup the best way to be chill? 2 words....they ryhme with mot make
Hmmm...sot nake?
Dot lake.
Pot cake?
Gawt it.
OOHHH POT CAKE.
Nut-free weed cake
Sounds delicious.
Perfection. Like gum. And Yesmine Bleh.
Okay so i'll get the bakery right on the pot cake.
Sounds like a plan.
Pot cake was the best thing to come out of this thread.
How the fuck can you be mad..we came up with pot cake.
I think the whole problem here is that we all dont have pot cakes RIGHT NOW
Chris and Jack would like weed cake.
POT CAKE= PARTY....gah..nobody understands
Yup the best way to be chill? 2 words....they ryhme with mot make
Hmmm...sot nake?
Dot lake.
Pot cake?
Gawt it.
OOHHH POT CAKE.
Crayola
Gotta love the crayola. One kid at my site showed up with a crisp white smock cuz he was an artist. Paint. Everywhere. Also i went from the playground to the bathroom to the water fountain and back for 2 whole fucking hours. I wanted to punt those little kids in the face. -Peter
Walking License
There's this camper at my camp, and my boss always makes fun of her for doing gimp and walking at the same time, so today he asks her for her gimping and walking license, and she pulled out a "gimping liscense", that said "This camper has the right to gimp and walk at the same time. Anyone objecting to this can talk to Chuck Norris. Sincerely, Barack Obama."
My Summer Job
Everyday i go work at the camp with a binder, 2 plasticmedals around my neck, a spray painted golden spoon, a sparkling green tea, and a menu for Sierra Grille. Trust me, you'll love it lmao
Freshmen
Sorry about spraying you with Pepsi... and saliva. But in all seriousness, the fuck are we going to do about that girl? She's a drama queen, annoying as hell, and she's a god damn freshman. Although, some part of me wants to keep her around just for entertainment. . .
Chris Pwns
We were in Maine and my mom was shopping and she was in the store for a reeeeeally long time so Chris went in and said in a special needs voice "Maaaaaaaaa. Why'd you leave me in the car? it's HOT out there..." to "embarrass" her out of the store.
Uterus...
Brooke: I am back from Port Jeff, bearing stories and my unborn child. But not really an unborn child...
Erin K: I want to be in Brooke's uterus!
Erin R: Ive been there, it's cozy.
Erin K: She should get a plasma screen tv in there. Maybe a shag carpet, or a bearskin rug.
Erin R: yeah the hardwood wasnt really doing it for me.
Erin K: I want to be in Brooke's uterus!
Erin R: Ive been there, it's cozy.
Erin K: She should get a plasma screen tv in there. Maybe a shag carpet, or a bearskin rug.
Erin R: yeah the hardwood wasnt really doing it for me.
Survival Helmet
Today, my power went out. I spent the day constructing a post-apocalypse survival helmet out of a soda box, flashlight, plastic wrap, fake mustache, and a battery-powered miniature light show. I'm 16, and ready for the end of the world. MLIA
(does this not sound EXACTLY like joe burns!?!?!?)
(does this not sound EXACTLY like joe burns!?!?!?)
Ninja Pillow Forts
i was so outrageously bored last night that i built a huge pillow fort covering my entire bedroom. then this morning when my mom knocked on my pillow window, my cat-ninja reflexes kicked in and i sucker punched the pillow. i really need to start going to parties or something on friday nights.... -Mary
Chris's First Car and I Love Lamp
One kid in our class when asked "tell me whatever you think is important for me to know on the back..." All the kid wrote was "I Love Lamp." -Vince
I doubt that our teachers even read those. If they do, me and lamp kid are fucked. -Brooke
chris's first car.
short bus.
shag carpet.
hot pink velvet interior.
zebra print leather couch.
waterbed.
mini bar.
poker table.
key lime body lust
I doubt that our teachers even read those. If they do, me and lamp kid are fucked. -Brooke
chris's first car.
short bus.
shag carpet.
hot pink velvet interior.
zebra print leather couch.
waterbed.
mini bar.
poker table.
key lime body lust
What Tenagon Would Have Said
Today when my math teacher asked me for one word to describe me, she asked what my best friend would say, so i wrote down the word "orgasmic."
I'm Crushed
I... I... don't know what to say. I made 3 homemade pizzas, a batch of cookies and a batch of brownies for Margaux's homecoming... and... Frank ate all of it. There... nothing. There is nothing left. None. I... I'm officially putting myself on suicide watch, because quite honestly... im crushed. just crushed.
I'll do something... i'll have to make another pizza, and another batch of brownies. I'll fix this, i'll make this right. Don't worry.
-Brooke
Oh wait, I mean Frank Johnson is a wonderful being and he is an average weight for his size and he only treats us with care and respect, and we appreciate him for it. (I know he stalks you.)
-Mary
I'll do something... i'll have to make another pizza, and another batch of brownies. I'll fix this, i'll make this right. Don't worry.
-Brooke
Oh wait, I mean Frank Johnson is a wonderful being and he is an average weight for his size and he only treats us with care and respect, and we appreciate him for it. (I know he stalks you.)
-Mary
First Post of the First Thread (2009)
Today I saw a boy. I wonder if he noticed me. He took my breath awayyyyyyyyy.
School's starting. We all won't be talking. I dislike that. It's 2 in the morning. I wanna keep in contact this year. So i'm threading it up niggz. Kim Possible has pointy boobs. So yeah, we can make planz and shitz here. I thought it would be necessary for me, considering the fact that my phone breaks twice a week. Young locusts are called "hoppers" because they cannot yet fly. and lets not be typical us and obnoxiously abuse this thread with random crapz. It's just so we can all keep in contact and shits (and I didnt put Joe in cuz he gets mad when he's in threads..).
Warm regards,
Reba McEntire
(Mary)
School's starting. We all won't be talking. I dislike that. It's 2 in the morning. I wanna keep in contact this year. So i'm threading it up niggz. Kim Possible has pointy boobs. So yeah, we can make planz and shitz here. I thought it would be necessary for me, considering the fact that my phone breaks twice a week. Young locusts are called "hoppers" because they cannot yet fly. and lets not be typical us and obnoxiously abuse this thread with random crapz. It's just so we can all keep in contact and shits (and I didnt put Joe in cuz he gets mad when he's in threads..).
Warm regards,
Reba McEntire
(Mary)
Late Bus <3
Wow. Stayed after school with Mary and Margaux. Took over a teacher's room, blasted Alanis Morisette and Billy Joel, did some homework, and cracked some jokes.
In the hallway Mary drops her phone, the back cover slides across the floor and underneath a door. Inside the classroom are about 15 teachers having a meeting. Shit. Ran into the bathroom laughing our asses off, because quite honestly it's just our luck.
On the bus, a bunch of "gangster" upperclassmen are "rapping".
Me: He just rhymed weiner with weiner.
Mary: We have a poet on our hands folks! He gon' be a rappa'!!
UPDATE: I have cute dean's Yankess baseball cap. <3
In the hallway Mary drops her phone, the back cover slides across the floor and underneath a door. Inside the classroom are about 15 teachers having a meeting. Shit. Ran into the bathroom laughing our asses off, because quite honestly it's just our luck.
On the bus, a bunch of "gangster" upperclassmen are "rapping".
Me: He just rhymed weiner with weiner.
Mary: We have a poet on our hands folks! He gon' be a rappa'!!
UPDATE: I have cute dean's Yankess baseball cap. <3
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