Drunk Quotes (we all have them)

Beer does different things to different people. These are some ANONYMOUS quotes from friends of mine who have gotten... ummm... intoxicated... "cough" shit faced "cough" and said some pretty amazing things.

"I want my FUCKING Dunkaroos!!"

"NO, NO, I wanna be Dora the Explorer. Guys, stop snickering, I'm not fucking kidding you! I'm gonna change my name to Dora and explore shit! COME EXPLORE SHIT WITH ME!!"

"Let's go on a venture. Ages 14-20!!! It's sponsored by the goddamn BOY SCOUTS! How kick ASS is that!?"

"You know what would be funny? Actually, nevermind."
"No, now you need to tell me!"
"But... I realized it wouldn't be very funny at all..."
"What was it?"
"I was gonna say Wouldn't it be funny if one of my teachers tried to sleep with me... but then i realized that wasnt funny at all."
"You're right. That wasnt funny. Not even a little."

"Lemonade on a spoon is a popsicle, right?"

"Oh, you son of a bitch!! GO EAT FOLIAGE!"

"Wait, wheres my purse? Oh, here it is, it was around my neck."

"Go to Motel 6, they leave the light on for you."

"I hate when black people use slavery against us. It's like the japanese holding a grudge for the nuclear bomb."

"Everybody wants to be Brooke Peterson. Even I want to be Brooke Peterson!!"

"Doctah James Rominelli. Breasssssst augmentations."

"Wow. It's like baking the cake with the stripper still in it."

"Who was that muppet? That hook nosed son of a bitch?!"

"Who's pants are those!?"
"Colin's...."
"Why??"
"I dunno, he just handed them to me and left!"

"What are you going to college to become?"
"Uhm... a Cheetah Girl."
"How many years of undergrad is that?"

*looking at a knife in a bow tie*
"Wow, that knife looks SHARP. GET IT?!"
HAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!

"Gary, you're really pretty. Im dead serious, if you wore a little eyeliner, you'd be beautiful."

"You look like a lion. Really."

"Fuck cops! Pissing off the system, one cop at a time!"

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. You have crossed the line!"

"Everyone loves a moose. They just don't know it."

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."

"LET ME CLEAN YOUR EARS!"

"Hey! It's Hannah Montana pissing in my drink!!"

"I am Captain Coors!! King of the Carpet Ship!!!!"