YOU KIDS TODAY

YOU KIDS TODAY WITH YOUR STEERING WHEEL
AND YOUR RAP MUSIC
AND YOUR YOUTUBE DOT COM
AND YOUR DUNGAREES
AND YOUR LOLLIPOPS
AND YOUR FROSTED FLAKES
AND YOUR NATIONAL SECURITY ANGENCY
AND YOUR GRAPHIC NOVELS
AND YOUR DIGITAL CAMERAS
AND YOUR FLAGS
AND YOUR IRAN
AND YOUR DAID EGER
AND YOUR CINEMA
AND YOUR IRELAND
AND YOUR AUTOMOTIVE COLLAPSE
AND YOUR TYLER DURDEN
AND YOUR PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA
AND YOUR VERB CONJUGATIONS
AND YOUR BERKELY COLLEGE
AND YOUR JIM MORRISON
AND YOUR HOLLOW TREES
AND YOUR BOO RADLEY
AND YOUR AUSTRIAN INDEPENDENCE
AND YOUR MODEL AIRPLANES
AND YOUR INTERNATIONAL HIGHWAYS
AND YOUR BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS
AND YOUR ANDREW SCHWARTZ
AND YOUR MICHIGAN STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS SET TO 25 YEARS
AND YOUR MEDICAL LICENSES
AND YOUR CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
AND YOUR BEDSHEETS
AND YOUR TURTLES
AND YOUR HARD-ROCK CAFE
AND YOUR GREEN
AND YOUR HAIR PRODUCTS
AND YOUR DEMETRI MARTIN
AND YOUR JOSEF FRITZL
AND YOUR RON WEASLEY
AND YOUR JANE AUSTEN
AND YOUR ZOMBIES
AND YOUR LYMPHOMA
AND YOUR NINJUTSU
Holy shit.
I can't feel my left hand...