My Friend Mary's Amazing Story

I'm lonely and sick and I'm home and it's like 12:30, so I know no one is gonna answer me, so I'm just gonna type. I'll write a story.

PART 1: The Big Apple, and Rosies Big Apples
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Mary. When Mary was about 10, her and her best friend/cousin/partner-in-crime Erin, went to New York City together. While in the big city, they happened to see none other than ROSIE O' DONNELL, just standing there, chilling, with her thunder thighs and lesbian haircut on display for any surrounding people to see. Upon seeing Rosie, standing aimlessly in the middle of the road, the girls got an idea! They had to meet her! After pondering the idea for a minute or two, they quickly realized something: they can't talk to Rosie! She's part satan-mexi-jew-nigger, and if they talked to her, the flesh would melt off of their bodies! Noooooo! So, the girls hatched a new plan: they would casually stroll by Rosie, then when they got within reach, they would quickly poke her thigh, then run away screaming in terror. So after successfully sneaking away from their parental guardians, they searched around for where Rosie had gone off to...after about 10 minutes, they began to become hopeless. "If I were Rosie O Donnell, where would I be?" said Erin "How could we have been so foolish!" said Mary, "FOLLOW THE HOT DOG CART!"And off they went. Finally catching up with Rosie, it was go time. The girls tried to act nonchalant, strolling slowly up to rosie, but then they sped up their pace, slapped her thigh, and ran, screaming, arms flailing about! When they finally reached the street corner (where coincidentally, Miley Cyrus was standing, wearing fishnets and hooker boots) they were gasping for breath. "I cant believe we did that!" Erin exclaimed "I know! Boy, I'll be telling this story for YEARS to come!" said Mary, proudly.

I apologize for any offensive language, this was not something that I wrote, just something that I decided to publish here.