Friends Quotes

Chandler: You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance!

Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and WON!
Chandler: Ross came fourth and cried!

Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.

Monica: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!

Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages. They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games.
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: No.
Ross: Then you are neither of your parents.

Mike Hanigan: You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?
Ross: No...
Mike Hanigan: Oh okay. You just have that look.
Ross: Damn SuperCuts!

Phoebe: We can be guys. Come on, let us be guys.
Chandler: You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and you wouldn't live as long.

Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

Ross: [glum] My wife's a lesbian.
Joey: Cool.
Chandler: Ross, this is Joey. Joey, Ross.

Joey: Hey, I got something for you.
Chandler: What's this?
Joey: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told you but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night.

Ross: First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.

Ross: I'm sorry your husband cheated on you.
Rachel: I'm sorry your wife is gay.

Only Mary Would Understand

Yes, that IS the Jonas Brothers!!!
Rachael is PROMISCUOUS!
Wet Seal man decided to wear sea foam instead of mustard.
I love it too but that's just the way God made it!
I bet that YOU look good on the dancefloor...
It's like throwing a cat.
I dig those chocolate chips, yo!
Looks like someone broke out a new stopwatch!
What are you still doing here?!?!
You look like you ate an elephant!
TODD'S SHINS!
America's Next Top Waddle
Fugate-Liftig
Tina is 9 1/2
827-TGL
363-FCX
MARION BROWN IS NOT A COW!!!
Pot smoking corner, Honey the tree, and the light blue Solara that we never got to see the inside of!
Why are you chasing me?! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?!
Sex? Drugs? SOCIAL CIRCLES!

Leather Pants

On the first day of school I walked into my homeroom, and the first thing that my teacher asked me was "Do you have leather pants?"

You Wore Her Scarf

S: Great job today Brooke!
Me: Thanks! By the way, is your wife mad at you?
S: No... why?
Me: Because you wore her scarf to work today.
S: OHHHHHH! That was a diss!

Pocket Knife

(AT TRACK PRACTICE)

Patrick: Hey Mr. O, can I see your keys, I need to cut the ribbon off this hurdle, it's bothering me.
Mr. O: I don't have my keys with me, sorry.
Me: Want me to go get my pocket knife?
Mr. O: WHAT?!
Me: Sorry, just checking to see if you were paying attention.

Gorilla Man

Yesterday after school I was walking to my bus, when I saw a man in a gorilla suit. Yes, this is why I attend public school. Anyways, I walked up to this person in a gorilla suit and I got my picture taken with him. As soon as I upload my digital pictures off my camera I'll put it up, because it is definitely the most amazing thing that's happened within the last two weeks. Besides last Tuesday when some Cuban custodian bought me a diet Coke. I don't know why, but I appreciated it. Also, my history teacher tried to hook me up with her 22 year old son yesterday. She even showed me his picture and offered me his cell phone number. I politely refused the offer, but I have a feeling that she's going to lower my grade. This was my yesterday, and thank you for listening.

Mary's Name

Why did your parents name you what they did? Because they wanted people to hear my name and think "Oh, so she must be an 85 year old woman..."