1. i have a very overactive imagination. well past the time when it was age-appropriate, i still played dress up and would wander around my yard acting out scenarios. in fact i sometimes still entertain myself by inventing stories while driving in the car.
2. i am a voracious reader, but sometimes i read so fast that i miss the silent details and end up several chapters later going "wait, what?"
3. i consistently have very vivid dreams and tend to remember 2-3 each night.
4. when i take nyquil or have had a wee bit too much to drink before hitting the hay, i don't remember any of my dreams and it makes me feel really unsettled and uneasy the whole next day.
5. i had an out of body experience when i was 20 and it was the most terrifying thing to ever happen to me.
6. i am terrified of snakes (also known as ophidiophobia). when i see one i stop breathing and go into hypertension (my muscles all tense up and i can't move or speak). eels, tadpoles, and other things that kind of vaguely look like snakes also freak me out, but in a manageable kind of way. sometimes i wake up screaming because in my dream there were snakes in my bed.
7. i have long been incapable of listening to music without trying to figure out how it would sound acappella.
8. while i love to sing, and sincerely enjoy performing anything, i have a irrational fear of being put on the spot to perform something i have not rehearsed several (dozen, preferably) times before. i won't call it stage fright, but it consistently gives me a minor panic attack and makes me feel extremely stressed out and on edge. unfortunately, my family thinks its ridiculous and cajoles me to spontaneously perform at every possible function imaginable.
9. all you really need to know to grasp how big of a twentieth century european history nerd i am is that i have watched "the world at war" documentary on world war II 6 times all the way through. its 27 hours long. (i've watched some episodes waaaay more).
10. there is a pretty decently sized part of me that just wants to be a housewife and a stay at home mom with six kids and a mini van, but then again there is also a pretty decently sized part of me that is a twelve year old boy with a deep love of thats what she said jokes and slingshots, so we'll see how that internal battle turns out.
11. while we are the subject of children, i have already named my future progeny. my spouse can argue all he or she wants, but if i am going to be the pregnant one, they can just forget the possibility of compromise. in case of adoption or surrogacy, this will be up for debate, but i am not going down without a fight.
12. i am convinced i would have been a great soccer player had i not quit at age twelve because girls soccer was "for wimps" and taken up ballet instead.
13. ballet however, turned out to be a good choice, because there is nothing i enjoy more than dance, and nothing i am instinctively better at than choreography.
14. i am a compulsive liar. i don't so much choose to lie as it is that lies sometimes just come out of my mouth. they are never premeditated, never malicious, and almost always involves made up “friends” and stories that are based on real people/events, but which somehow become elaborate falsehoods. Some lies I have told are so convincing that now I can’t entirely remember whether or not they are true or false. i made a resolution to stop doing this and am meeting with mixed success.
15. i am unbelievably lucky to have been born into such an amazing and loving family and to have found such incredible and caring friends. i am profoundly devoted to my friends and family and consider them to be all the proof I need that God is present in my life, because I see Him everyday in the love they show me and the love they inspire in me.
16. I think that when we get to heaven, we are going to discover that its just like all the best parts of regular life compressed and heightened, but with considerably more dance parties.
17. hipster is the new hip-hop, and I confess that I feel a little conflicted about that.
18. I have only one biological brother (what up, Monkey Butt?) but I grew up like twins with my next-door neighbor Will, so in my heart, it feels like I have two brothers.
19. In addition to my “brother” Will, all the boys I have ever been in love with are named Will, my three best male friends in high school were either named Will or had William as their middle name, one of my best friends in college is named Willy, one of my super close cousins is named Will and is nicknamed Willy, and that’s not to mention all the other Wills I am friends with, have hooked up with, or just generally know. Is that confusing enough for you? All of this has me slightly convinced I am destined to marry someone named Will in some capacity, which makes me extremely wary every time I meet one.
20. I have never watched The Little Princess (1994), Apollo 13, or Big Fish and not cried. In the case of The Little Princess and Apollo 13 this is particularly impressive, because I have seen them both probably close to 100 and 50 times respectively.
21. Newsies is the greatest movie musical ever made. Sound of Music can take its Oscar for Best Picture and shove it (although to be fair, it ran a tight race, pulling into second alongside West Side Story, with Meet Me in St. Louis solidly in third place.). Julie Andrews, you can’t beat Christian Bale singing and dancing and lassoing a horse no matter how many times you spin around on that Austrian hillside.
22. the best band, EVER, in the history of mankind, is NAKED PASTA, and if you know what that means, you should count yourself lucky.
23. i have a love/hate relationship with the rihanna song "umbrella" but am positive that it has never sounded better and that i have never loved it more than when serenaded with it at "christimas in august" on the porch of 64.
24. there is no place on earth better than eagles mere, pa.
25. while i am good at choreography, singing, performing, dancing, reading, writing, remembering historical and important dates, and probably a lot of other things i can't even imagine yet...i think the thing i actually might be best at, as cheesy as it sounds, is love.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
25 Stuffz
1) In college I was nicknamed "The Sex."
2) In response to number 1, I am extraordinarily comfortable with my body, being naked, and touching it.
3) I believe the spirit of Gene Kelly sent me a message through the movie the Dark Knight telling me it is my sacred quest to keep his spirit alive through film making.
4) I hate taking showers.
5) I've had a planter's wart on my right big toe for almost two years, and I haven't done anything about it.
6) I weighed 160 pounds when I was 11, I was three inches shorter, and my breasts were a cup size smaller. I am now anywhere between 20-35 pounds lighter whenever.
7) Every morning I wake up and feel my hip bones to see if I've gained weight.
8) I am very, very lucky and believe my sisters are my best friends in the entire world.
9) I don't believe in networking, I believe in being kind and making meaningful connections to people and artists who I respect.
10) I fucking LOVE food.
11) I am a very open person except that I have one secret I refuse to tell anyone having to do with my ultimate sexual fetish. (NO, I won't tell you)
12) I don't like drinking.
13) I wasn't cast in some of my high school musicals.
14) I am extremely sensitive about the Holocaust. I am afraid of giant ovens, sometimes have nightmares about it, and close my eyes and ears while watching documentaries about it.
15) I listened to the soundtrack of "The Dark Knight" in my car on a loop for four months, and I have now seen that movie 7 times in a movie theater, 5 times in IMAX.
16) I never wear make-up.
17) I don't drink coffee or anything with caffeine.
18) I like reading smutty fan fiction.
19) There are two people in this world who I refuse to forgive, but I think I'm slowly forgiving one of them.
20) I binge on sugar and baked goods.
21) I saw the movie "A Clockwork Orange" when I was 11
22) I think my parents did an excellent job of raising my sisters and myself.
23) I hate shopping.
24) My senior year in college was the best time of my life thanks to my senior project (and for everyone who committed to it, I can't ever thank you enough) and the Bard Dance department.
25) I think I'm really boring.
2) In response to number 1, I am extraordinarily comfortable with my body, being naked, and touching it.
3) I believe the spirit of Gene Kelly sent me a message through the movie the Dark Knight telling me it is my sacred quest to keep his spirit alive through film making.
4) I hate taking showers.
5) I've had a planter's wart on my right big toe for almost two years, and I haven't done anything about it.
6) I weighed 160 pounds when I was 11, I was three inches shorter, and my breasts were a cup size smaller. I am now anywhere between 20-35 pounds lighter whenever.
7) Every morning I wake up and feel my hip bones to see if I've gained weight.
8) I am very, very lucky and believe my sisters are my best friends in the entire world.
9) I don't believe in networking, I believe in being kind and making meaningful connections to people and artists who I respect.
10) I fucking LOVE food.
11) I am a very open person except that I have one secret I refuse to tell anyone having to do with my ultimate sexual fetish. (NO, I won't tell you)
12) I don't like drinking.
13) I wasn't cast in some of my high school musicals.
14) I am extremely sensitive about the Holocaust. I am afraid of giant ovens, sometimes have nightmares about it, and close my eyes and ears while watching documentaries about it.
15) I listened to the soundtrack of "The Dark Knight" in my car on a loop for four months, and I have now seen that movie 7 times in a movie theater, 5 times in IMAX.
16) I never wear make-up.
17) I don't drink coffee or anything with caffeine.
18) I like reading smutty fan fiction.
19) There are two people in this world who I refuse to forgive, but I think I'm slowly forgiving one of them.
20) I binge on sugar and baked goods.
21) I saw the movie "A Clockwork Orange" when I was 11
22) I think my parents did an excellent job of raising my sisters and myself.
23) I hate shopping.
24) My senior year in college was the best time of my life thanks to my senior project (and for everyone who committed to it, I can't ever thank you enough) and the Bard Dance department.
25) I think I'm really boring.
"Butterlane"
This is going to be short and simple, and I figure the best places should be rewarded for their excellence as long as the bad places are berated for their inadequacies.
I was getting lunch with my sister, and I was on a quest to not eat shitty for a few days.
I did so well last night and didn't eat anything shitty. I even avoided the "almond treat" from Amy's when it looked like everything I would want in life. Perhaps it's best I don't eat it now, or else I'll have every reason to die having just gotten everything I want.
So we were walking to 7A on 7a, and I noticed across the way "ButterLane." I had only heard about this place because I thought they were Buttercup when I called information. Little did I realize how much I insulted this establishment by thinking as much.
The window display had two cupcakes almost convincing me the place did not sell cupcakes, but I saw a tray filled with them through the window. Nothing was labelled, and the menu made no sense to me. Make my own cupcake? I don't know if I'm qualified . . . so I asked the guy:
"Sir, I would like two of your finest cupcakes. Pick them for me."
"Uhh, how about cherry and Elvis?"
"Is that peanut butter?"
"Yes."
"FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME."
Then I had sex with the guy.
No.
He gave me the cupcakes, and I went outside to sit on the bench with my smoking sister. I have a habit of trying frosting first, so I took a dab of cherry frosting. Oh, God. Then I took a bite of the cupcake, OH GOD! IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!
It tasted like . . . cherries, and the cake tasted like moist, yet fluffy, yet delicious, yellow butter cake. I almost couldn't believe it.
I took a bite of the peanut butter one, which was actually peanut butter frosting on top of banana cake.
What the FUCK was that?
I almost cannot accept that it exists, my goodness. Densely flavored banana cupcake married perfectly with peanut butter icing. I almost felt the urge to walk back in, slam my fist on the counter and scream,
"I DEMAND TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!" "Are you the manager? I want to tell you my body is yours, and you can do with me what you like, even murder me because I've seen and accepted Jesus, and he's in my mouth and my body."
I cannot believe I had this experience today. I don't know if I can make eye-contact with Amy's bread because I feel I cheated on them. If Amy's gets mad, I'll just tell them they need to get better.
Indeed, isn't that what life's about?
When you see something better than yourself, do you give up or feel the urge to improve?
Seriously, Butterlane on 7th street between 1st and Avenue A. Go there. I have nothing amusing to say about this. I am dead serious. I want to write to the owner and thank them for the experience.
So, in conclusion, I haven't eaten anything "shitty."
Thank you, Butterlane.
Thank you.
I was getting lunch with my sister, and I was on a quest to not eat shitty for a few days.
I did so well last night and didn't eat anything shitty. I even avoided the "almond treat" from Amy's when it looked like everything I would want in life. Perhaps it's best I don't eat it now, or else I'll have every reason to die having just gotten everything I want.
So we were walking to 7A on 7a, and I noticed across the way "ButterLane." I had only heard about this place because I thought they were Buttercup when I called information. Little did I realize how much I insulted this establishment by thinking as much.
The window display had two cupcakes almost convincing me the place did not sell cupcakes, but I saw a tray filled with them through the window. Nothing was labelled, and the menu made no sense to me. Make my own cupcake? I don't know if I'm qualified . . . so I asked the guy:
"Sir, I would like two of your finest cupcakes. Pick them for me."
"Uhh, how about cherry and Elvis?"
"Is that peanut butter?"
"Yes."
"FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME."
Then I had sex with the guy.
No.
He gave me the cupcakes, and I went outside to sit on the bench with my smoking sister. I have a habit of trying frosting first, so I took a dab of cherry frosting. Oh, God. Then I took a bite of the cupcake, OH GOD! IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!
It tasted like . . . cherries, and the cake tasted like moist, yet fluffy, yet delicious, yellow butter cake. I almost couldn't believe it.
I took a bite of the peanut butter one, which was actually peanut butter frosting on top of banana cake.
What the FUCK was that?
I almost cannot accept that it exists, my goodness. Densely flavored banana cupcake married perfectly with peanut butter icing. I almost felt the urge to walk back in, slam my fist on the counter and scream,
"I DEMAND TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!" "Are you the manager? I want to tell you my body is yours, and you can do with me what you like, even murder me because I've seen and accepted Jesus, and he's in my mouth and my body."
I cannot believe I had this experience today. I don't know if I can make eye-contact with Amy's bread because I feel I cheated on them. If Amy's gets mad, I'll just tell them they need to get better.
Indeed, isn't that what life's about?
When you see something better than yourself, do you give up or feel the urge to improve?
Seriously, Butterlane on 7th street between 1st and Avenue A. Go there. I have nothing amusing to say about this. I am dead serious. I want to write to the owner and thank them for the experience.
So, in conclusion, I haven't eaten anything "shitty."
Thank you, Butterlane.
Thank you.
More Surveys
1.) I have 6 siblings that range in age from 40 to 4.
2.) I have an addiction to diet coke. I have tried everything from weening myself off...to cutting it out completely. My latest was I wouldn't drink it until streak... but I've already cheated about 3 times. Sorry if you are just finding this out : (. I know... I'm a fraud.
3.) I am obsessed with belting. But the actual truth is, I'd prefer to listen to a legit soprano any day of the week.
4.) I went to my first concert (Jingle Ball '97) when I was 8 years old. It was to see Hanson (among others). Subsequently I saw them 14 times within the next 4 years, and owned every single album including the only European released. I even held birthday parties for each of the members (Taylor- March 14th, Zac- October 22nd). I never cared to much for Issac. Now i think he's gorgeous.
5.) I have no idea whether I will end up with a guy or girl. I pretend to like it that way because it "leaves room for the unexpected" truly i CANT STAND it and wish i was either straight or gay.
6.) My middle name is Rae.
7.) My entire life people have called me Heather. I don't know anyone named heather that looks like me, nor is anyone related to me or that I'm friends with named that. My mother told me she wanted to name me heather but my dad hated the name. I hate the name myself, but it has always struck a chord with me that people accidentally call me it all the time.
8.) I love Marshalls. Brand Names for less is the understatement of the century.
9.) I have more gay friends than I care to admit.
10.) When Nick and I go to the city we try to spot F.A.'s (fierce asians), broadway chorus girls (adjacent to the shows they are in), and clearly can't go a trip without a belt off at ellen's stardust diner.
11.) I experience more life through Grey's Anatomy then I do in my own.
12.) Jamie and I watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy every night form 7-8.
13.) I love france, and CANNOT WAIT to go back there.
14.) I have 10,000 songs on my itunes, and I'm really proud of it.
15.) My roommate thinks she's a cat. If i were an animal, I'd totally be a dolphin.
16.) Brushing my teeth is one of my favorite things to do. If i miss one of my scheduled times, I feel like I missed an opportunity.
17.) I really liked high school.
18.) I cried when I turned 20 because I feel really old. That's petty seeing as I still can't legally drink...but I can't help but think I've already lived 1/4 of my life. ick.
19.) Regina George is my alter ego.
20.) I love boarders, and organization of notes. So much that I have to color in lines between paper to signify another section. I also boarder everything, from my room to a school project. If there is no boarder...you know I half assed it.
21.) I procrastinate so much. I also hate reading. I wish I liked it because it seems cool to do and makes you a more learned person...but i just dont like it. Other things that I hate that I wish I liked are Thai Food, Sushi, Coffee, Crocs, Hair-The Musical, kissing with tongue, tomatoes, and jazz music.
22.) I cheat when I play board games, and I assume everyone else does too, which is why I am constantly suspicious of all players.
23.) I'm rather blunt- i have yet to figure out if it is a good trait or a flaw.
24.) I think that beer is trashy, yet i find myself drinking it all the time.
25.) I judge everyone who does one of these things, but I am ADDICTED to reading them. I may "say" that it's lame....but keep em coming. hahaha.
2.) I have an addiction to diet coke. I have tried everything from weening myself off...to cutting it out completely. My latest was I wouldn't drink it until streak... but I've already cheated about 3 times. Sorry if you are just finding this out : (. I know... I'm a fraud.
3.) I am obsessed with belting. But the actual truth is, I'd prefer to listen to a legit soprano any day of the week.
4.) I went to my first concert (Jingle Ball '97) when I was 8 years old. It was to see Hanson (among others). Subsequently I saw them 14 times within the next 4 years, and owned every single album including the only European released. I even held birthday parties for each of the members (Taylor- March 14th, Zac- October 22nd). I never cared to much for Issac. Now i think he's gorgeous.
5.) I have no idea whether I will end up with a guy or girl. I pretend to like it that way because it "leaves room for the unexpected" truly i CANT STAND it and wish i was either straight or gay.
6.) My middle name is Rae.
7.) My entire life people have called me Heather. I don't know anyone named heather that looks like me, nor is anyone related to me or that I'm friends with named that. My mother told me she wanted to name me heather but my dad hated the name. I hate the name myself, but it has always struck a chord with me that people accidentally call me it all the time.
8.) I love Marshalls. Brand Names for less is the understatement of the century.
9.) I have more gay friends than I care to admit.
10.) When Nick and I go to the city we try to spot F.A.'s (fierce asians), broadway chorus girls (adjacent to the shows they are in), and clearly can't go a trip without a belt off at ellen's stardust diner.
11.) I experience more life through Grey's Anatomy then I do in my own.
12.) Jamie and I watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy every night form 7-8.
13.) I love france, and CANNOT WAIT to go back there.
14.) I have 10,000 songs on my itunes, and I'm really proud of it.
15.) My roommate thinks she's a cat. If i were an animal, I'd totally be a dolphin.
16.) Brushing my teeth is one of my favorite things to do. If i miss one of my scheduled times, I feel like I missed an opportunity.
17.) I really liked high school.
18.) I cried when I turned 20 because I feel really old. That's petty seeing as I still can't legally drink...but I can't help but think I've already lived 1/4 of my life. ick.
19.) Regina George is my alter ego.
20.) I love boarders, and organization of notes. So much that I have to color in lines between paper to signify another section. I also boarder everything, from my room to a school project. If there is no boarder...you know I half assed it.
21.) I procrastinate so much. I also hate reading. I wish I liked it because it seems cool to do and makes you a more learned person...but i just dont like it. Other things that I hate that I wish I liked are Thai Food, Sushi, Coffee, Crocs, Hair-The Musical, kissing with tongue, tomatoes, and jazz music.
22.) I cheat when I play board games, and I assume everyone else does too, which is why I am constantly suspicious of all players.
23.) I'm rather blunt- i have yet to figure out if it is a good trait or a flaw.
24.) I think that beer is trashy, yet i find myself drinking it all the time.
25.) I judge everyone who does one of these things, but I am ADDICTED to reading them. I may "say" that it's lame....but keep em coming. hahaha.
Wish With Me...
1.) I wish facebook, myspace, etc., have never been invented.
2.) I wish I could grow taller.
3.) I wish I knew why my grandmother is addicted to pills and drinks so much.
4.) I wish every country had equal gay rights (marriage, etc.)
5.) I wish people would stop saying, "It can't get any better than this," because -
6.) I wish it would.
7.) I wish my sister and I had the same dad.
8.) I wish my brother and I had the same mom.
9.) I wish I saw my brother more.
10.) I wish I knew what it felt like to love someone.
11.) I wish I knew the truth about almost everything.
12.) I wish I didn't feel like I'm loosing my mom as a friend.
13.) I wish I could die a virgin.
14.) I wish my mom was happy.
15.) I wish my aunt was never raped.
16.) I wish there were no such thing as eating disorders.
17.) I wish my dad wasn't a pothead and an alcoholic.
18.) I wish we ^ had something to talk about.
19.) I wish he knew me the way I know him.
20.) I wish he could help me.
21.) I wish he had been there.
22.) I wish I didn't have trust issues with men.
23.) I wish my grandpa would stop smoking weed and drinking so he could go on with his music career.
24.) I wish I wasn't afraid of dying.
25.) I wish I didn't want to die.
26.) I wish I could step up to the plate and throw away my sharp objects.
27.) I wish I could get a job.
28.) I wish my mom and her fiancee always got along.
29.) I wish I was a straight - A student.
30.) I wish I had motivation to do homework.
31.) I wish I studied.
32.) I wish I could be four again, just to re-live it another way.
33.) I wish I knew what now would be like if I had done something different back then.
34.) I wish my grandfather will live as long as he wishes and die as happy as possible considering in the past two years he's gotten physically hurt but recovered very well.
35.) I wish he would be a little smarter so those accidents never happened.
36.) I wish I knew how to speak Greek.
37.) I wish my mom knew who her biological father was, it'd be interesting.
38.) I wish all of my friends would go to college.
39.) I wish they all looked forward to their futures.
40.) I wish we can all live together far, far away from here when we're older.
41.) I wish I could drive.
42.) I wish I had never tried cigarettes.
43.) I wish my friend's respected themselves.
44.) I wish some of my friends made smarter choices.
45.) I wish I had never done anything to hurt my friends.
46.) I wish I didn't miss my ex-girlfriend because I don't know how she feels anymore.
47.) I wish I knew what it was like to be straight, sometimes.
48.) I wish I didn't have to worry about possibly falling for my friends.
49.) I wish I felt like I fit in.
50.) I wish boys referred to girls as girls, and not bitches.
51.) I wish everyone knew that suicide is not the way out.
52.) I wish I wasn't a hypocrite with some things.
53.) I wish I could help everyone with what they need to make them happy.
54.) I wish everyone believe that, "All you need is love."
55.) I wish everyone believed in peace.
56.) I wish I knew the way out of this labyrinth.
57.) I wish I knew exactly what the labyrinth was.
58.) I wish I liked to read.
59.) I wish I didn't regret my past.
60.) I wish I could forget whatever happened with (no name needed) and I.
61.) I wish I knew why the number 22 haunts me, but I don't want it to go away.
62.) I wish I wasn't afraid of heights.
63.) I wish I knew how to get down after I've climbed a tree.
2.) I wish I could grow taller.
3.) I wish I knew why my grandmother is addicted to pills and drinks so much.
4.) I wish every country had equal gay rights (marriage, etc.)
5.) I wish people would stop saying, "It can't get any better than this," because -
6.) I wish it would.
7.) I wish my sister and I had the same dad.
8.) I wish my brother and I had the same mom.
9.) I wish I saw my brother more.
10.) I wish I knew what it felt like to love someone.
11.) I wish I knew the truth about almost everything.
12.) I wish I didn't feel like I'm loosing my mom as a friend.
13.) I wish I could die a virgin.
14.) I wish my mom was happy.
15.) I wish my aunt was never raped.
16.) I wish there were no such thing as eating disorders.
17.) I wish my dad wasn't a pothead and an alcoholic.
18.) I wish we ^ had something to talk about.
19.) I wish he knew me the way I know him.
20.) I wish he could help me.
21.) I wish he had been there.
22.) I wish I didn't have trust issues with men.
23.) I wish my grandpa would stop smoking weed and drinking so he could go on with his music career.
24.) I wish I wasn't afraid of dying.
25.) I wish I didn't want to die.
26.) I wish I could step up to the plate and throw away my sharp objects.
27.) I wish I could get a job.
28.) I wish my mom and her fiancee always got along.
29.) I wish I was a straight - A student.
30.) I wish I had motivation to do homework.
31.) I wish I studied.
32.) I wish I could be four again, just to re-live it another way.
33.) I wish I knew what now would be like if I had done something different back then.
34.) I wish my grandfather will live as long as he wishes and die as happy as possible considering in the past two years he's gotten physically hurt but recovered very well.
35.) I wish he would be a little smarter so those accidents never happened.
36.) I wish I knew how to speak Greek.
37.) I wish my mom knew who her biological father was, it'd be interesting.
38.) I wish all of my friends would go to college.
39.) I wish they all looked forward to their futures.
40.) I wish we can all live together far, far away from here when we're older.
41.) I wish I could drive.
42.) I wish I had never tried cigarettes.
43.) I wish my friend's respected themselves.
44.) I wish some of my friends made smarter choices.
45.) I wish I had never done anything to hurt my friends.
46.) I wish I didn't miss my ex-girlfriend because I don't know how she feels anymore.
47.) I wish I knew what it was like to be straight, sometimes.
48.) I wish I didn't have to worry about possibly falling for my friends.
49.) I wish I felt like I fit in.
50.) I wish boys referred to girls as girls, and not bitches.
51.) I wish everyone knew that suicide is not the way out.
52.) I wish I wasn't a hypocrite with some things.
53.) I wish I could help everyone with what they need to make them happy.
54.) I wish everyone believe that, "All you need is love."
55.) I wish everyone believed in peace.
56.) I wish I knew the way out of this labyrinth.
57.) I wish I knew exactly what the labyrinth was.
58.) I wish I liked to read.
59.) I wish I didn't regret my past.
60.) I wish I could forget whatever happened with (no name needed) and I.
61.) I wish I knew why the number 22 haunts me, but I don't want it to go away.
62.) I wish I wasn't afraid of heights.
63.) I wish I knew how to get down after I've climbed a tree.
Darling, Sweetie
So, tell me, darling,
what did those nights mean to you?
Who is it that you have
fallen for?
Is it me?
So many questions, dear,
with no answers
coming from your sweet lips.
What words are you
hiding under your tongue?
Are there three?
Maybe five?
Can't you even say you're sorry?
Or could it just be the opposite?
We've had our share of ups and downs,
and so that makes me
fucking hate you.
All the while, I just can't say it,
how my heart breaks more and more
everytime I see your pretty face.
Do you miss me, baby?
Why don't you come here
and say it to my face?
what did those nights mean to you?
Who is it that you have
fallen for?
Is it me?
So many questions, dear,
with no answers
coming from your sweet lips.
What words are you
hiding under your tongue?
Are there three?
Maybe five?
Can't you even say you're sorry?
Or could it just be the opposite?
We've had our share of ups and downs,
and so that makes me
fucking hate you.
All the while, I just can't say it,
how my heart breaks more and more
everytime I see your pretty face.
Do you miss me, baby?
Why don't you come here
and say it to my face?
I Love That I Hate You
I'll never forget what you did to me.
I'll never forget who you were to me.
I'll never forget who I thought I was to you.
I'll never forget.
It's getting hard to move on.
It's getting hard to make it through the day.
It's getting hard to take a step without thinking about you.
It's almost impossible.
I want to know what I really meant to you.
I want to know if I actually impacted you in any way.
I want to know who I was to you.
I want to know that you once needed me.
Because I once needed you.
I miss you.
I miss your nasty smile.
I miss your evil eyes.
I miss your annoying voice.
I miss everything I hate about you.
I hate how I love everything about you.
I'll never forget who you were to me.
I'll never forget who I thought I was to you.
I'll never forget.
It's getting hard to move on.
It's getting hard to make it through the day.
It's getting hard to take a step without thinking about you.
It's almost impossible.
I want to know what I really meant to you.
I want to know if I actually impacted you in any way.
I want to know who I was to you.
I want to know that you once needed me.
Because I once needed you.
I miss you.
I miss your nasty smile.
I miss your evil eyes.
I miss your annoying voice.
I miss everything I hate about you.
I hate how I love everything about you.
GO
I hate living in my house. Of course I love my mom and I absolutely adore my baby sister but if I could, I'd get a job, save up tons of money, get an apartment, take my baby sister, and leave.
I can't wait until I'm 18 because then, I can finally, and legally, leave and go wherever the fuck I want.
I can't wait until I'm 18 because then, I can finally, and legally, leave and go wherever the fuck I want.
<3
I can't find the words to say, but they're so overdue. I've traveled half the world to say I belong to you. <3
Your eyes, they flow from all the pain I caused. I lost my cause, I only broke your heart. Alone, I cry, I tried so hard to break you. I love you, I hate you. Why won't you let me go?
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Your eyes, they flow from all the pain I caused. I lost my cause, I only broke your heart. Alone, I cry, I tried so hard to break you. I love you, I hate you. Why won't you let me go?
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Stuff Like Love and Bullshit
Stuff.
I hate the girls who complain about "love" and bullshit and then the other girls who try to compare. Because boys hurt, too. Guys have feelings as much as girls. Guys hate girls who do this, because for one, you're all just doing it for attention. And two, guys feel the same way because of us. You don't see them complaining, do you?
I hate the girls who complain about "love" and bullshit and then the other girls who try to compare. Because boys hurt, too. Guys have feelings as much as girls. Guys hate girls who do this, because for one, you're all just doing it for attention. And two, guys feel the same way because of us. You don't see them complaining, do you?
She's My All
I hate everything about you.
I hated when you used to say, "I love you."
I hate the memories of our eyes locked on eachother.
I hate how you'd smile.
I hate who we were.
I hate that I thought I loved you,
I hate that I probably still do.
You're all probably wondering who I am talking about,
but the truth is,
I don't even know who she is anymore.
D, I don't miss you.
But for some odd reason,
everything reminds me of you.
And I really wish it didn't.
Because I'm happier now.
I found a new love.
I need her, like I needed you.
And you shut me out, tore me down.
You didn't even second guess it.
You killed me, took away who I was.
And now, I need to move on.
Because I love her now,
and not you.
I love her.
Not you.
You're nothing to me anymore.
Please, just stay out of my life.
-Kayla
I hated when you used to say, "I love you."
I hate the memories of our eyes locked on eachother.
I hate how you'd smile.
I hate who we were.
I hate that I thought I loved you,
I hate that I probably still do.
You're all probably wondering who I am talking about,
but the truth is,
I don't even know who she is anymore.
D, I don't miss you.
But for some odd reason,
everything reminds me of you.
And I really wish it didn't.
Because I'm happier now.
I found a new love.
I need her, like I needed you.
And you shut me out, tore me down.
You didn't even second guess it.
You killed me, took away who I was.
And now, I need to move on.
Because I love her now,
and not you.
I love her.
Not you.
You're nothing to me anymore.
Please, just stay out of my life.
-Kayla
Stay Beautiful
I'm sorry I lost my best friend.
I'm sorry I'm such an idiot.
I'm sorry you won't even look at me.
I'm sorry I ever loved you like I do.
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry I'm such a disgrace.
I'm sorry I let myself do this.
I'm sorry.
...........
I'm sorry you left,
and I'm sorry I'm letting you go.
-Kayla
I'm sorry I'm such an idiot.
I'm sorry you won't even look at me.
I'm sorry I ever loved you like I do.
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry I'm such a disgrace.
I'm sorry I let myself do this.
I'm sorry.
...........
I'm sorry you left,
and I'm sorry I'm letting you go.
-Kayla
Sick Bastard
Unfortunatley, I'm here to say goodbye.
Unfortunatley, love is blind.
I didn't see your ugly side.
I learned the hard way,
I put up with you because
I thought hurting me was just
a part of your mental issues.
But I found out,
after all this pain
and wasted time,
that this has just been
YOUR FUCKING CHOICE.
YOU WANTED THIS!
And I'm sorry I let you do this to me.
You, sick, bastard.
-Kayla R.
Unfortunatley, love is blind.
I didn't see your ugly side.
I learned the hard way,
I put up with you because
I thought hurting me was just
a part of your mental issues.
But I found out,
after all this pain
and wasted time,
that this has just been
YOUR FUCKING CHOICE.
YOU WANTED THIS!
And I'm sorry I let you do this to me.
You, sick, bastard.
-Kayla R.
Emotional Shrapnel
We met at what seems like last night,
And at the same time, forever ago.
The spark between us when we first met lit the fuse,
And now my heart is going to blow.
As your patience grew short, so did the fuse
As it became clear that you had been used.
But what you must understand
is that I didn’t know any better,
let all the deception and lies get wired like a letter.
Now the fuse is almost burnt at last,
I’m not just goin’ to let her
Leave me alone to take the blast.
The gap you left,
It’s pulling me in
Filling in that hole in my chest.
Now your heart’s about to blow
Oh god oh god no
Now I’m no longer me
My sharp wits now dull
Now im just riddled
With your Emotional Shrapnel…
And at the same time, forever ago.
The spark between us when we first met lit the fuse,
And now my heart is going to blow.
As your patience grew short, so did the fuse
As it became clear that you had been used.
But what you must understand
is that I didn’t know any better,
let all the deception and lies get wired like a letter.
Now the fuse is almost burnt at last,
I’m not just goin’ to let her
Leave me alone to take the blast.
The gap you left,
It’s pulling me in
Filling in that hole in my chest.
Now your heart’s about to blow
Oh god oh god no
Now I’m no longer me
My sharp wits now dull
Now im just riddled
With your Emotional Shrapnel…
Society
The drones, they keep on staring
at the television blaring
all the hate and lies
passing through their eyes.
Propoganda in their brains
Violent acts inside their viens
Muscles throbbing, hearts pounding
as the trumpets of war are sounding
The children, they cry
as the bombers pass by
dropping death at their feet
to that armmegedon beat
that drums on through their lives
as they take to the skies
to deliver their rage
to other children their age.
At the moon, the dogs howl
as the world leaders scowl
signing false empty treaties
to save their eradicated lands,
the 1950's nightmare of a world.
The screams of the soldiers can still be heard.
But all of these outcomes are really quite mild
so what ever you do, don't change that dial.
at the television blaring
all the hate and lies
passing through their eyes.
Propoganda in their brains
Violent acts inside their viens
Muscles throbbing, hearts pounding
as the trumpets of war are sounding
The children, they cry
as the bombers pass by
dropping death at their feet
to that armmegedon beat
that drums on through their lives
as they take to the skies
to deliver their rage
to other children their age.
At the moon, the dogs howl
as the world leaders scowl
signing false empty treaties
to save their eradicated lands,
the 1950's nightmare of a world.
The screams of the soldiers can still be heard.
But all of these outcomes are really quite mild
so what ever you do, don't change that dial.
Memories with Rachael
- That night we went to the porn store and got the game with kate and ashley and were playing it in the living room, and then learned the lesson about dancing in front of the windows while there are drunk guys at the bar.
- When you were crying because your dress didn't fit and we switched dresses at jen's party ♥
- The night we had our first sleep over and we wanted fudgesicles and we had to sneak downstairs to get them. And i left a chocolate stain on your celing because i'm an idiot
- New years of '08 in Boston, was just amazing. those horns omg. Blowing them all through the streets and on the T acting like we were highhh as helllll hahaha
- when i died from that indian food and you woke up at like 3 am and ate the rest lmao!
- Roller skating at Jamie's birthday party and doing the chicken dance. Then watching Frank video taping us doing the chicken dance and threatening to leak it onto the internet.
- When you were crying because your dress didn't fit and we switched dresses at jen's party ♥
- The night we had our first sleep over and we wanted fudgesicles and we had to sneak downstairs to get them. And i left a chocolate stain on your celing because i'm an idiot
- New years of '08 in Boston, was just amazing. those horns omg. Blowing them all through the streets and on the T acting like we were highhh as helllll hahaha
- when i died from that indian food and you woke up at like 3 am and ate the rest lmao!
- Roller skating at Jamie's birthday party and doing the chicken dance. Then watching Frank video taping us doing the chicken dance and threatening to leak it onto the internet.
December 10th
Got progress reports today. Two C's. FML. Got a D on a modern global studies quiz. I'm deeming this a shitty day, but here's a list I made to make me feel better :)
This is gonna be kinda long, but these are things that make me happy :D
1.) Puppies
2.) Hot coffee, tea, or chocolate
3.) Sleeping in
4.) Certain music
5.) Purple
6.) Turtles
7.) Geese that interrupt class (honk, honk!)
8.) Other people getting in trouble
9.) Men <3
10.) Chapstick
11.) Scarves
12.) You!
13.) Nature
14.) When my banana tree grows a new leaf (I'm waaay to proud of this thing)
15.) Books and libraries, and certain librarians
16.) Children laughing
17.) Dinosaurs+ School buses
18.) oddly shaped telephones (hamburger, dinosaur, jelly bean, etc.)
19.) Colored glass bottles, sea glass
19.) The ocean/ beach
20.) Running with my hair down, and having the wind run through it
21.) Ice skating
22.) Falling down, tripping
23.) Passing notes in class
24.) wearing Uggs
25.) Swimming
26.) Funny quotes
27.) Forgetting to take my goggles off after lab
28.) Making playlists
29.) Lollipops
30.) Getting manis + pedis
31.) Cool Jewelry
32.) Snow, snowdays, and delays
33.) Fuzzy/toe socks
34.) Summer thunder storms
35.) Falling leaves
36.) Rain drops
37.) The moon, and stars
38.) Ice cream
39.) Gathering of the Vibes
40.) Playing tricks on unsuspecting people
42.) Shopping
43.) Getting the perfect gift for someone
44.) Making lists
45.) Indie music magazines
46.) Acoustic guitar
47.) Pianos
48.) New vocabulary words
49.) Black + White, or otherwise beautiful photography
50.) Lava lamps
51.) Inside jokes
52.) Clever blogs
53.) The Mac lab
54.) Genuinely nice people
55.) Vacuuming
56.) Organizing myself
57.) Stripes + Polka dots
58.) Lipstick napkins
59.) Bandannas
60.) Bananas in pajamas
61.) Christmas lights
62.) Chinese paper lanterns
63.) My bicycle
64.) Denis Leary (comedian)
65.) Wind chimes
66.) Playing sports: Karate, Track, Cheerleading, etc.
67.) My hammock chair
68.) Turf fields
69.) Dane Cook
70.) Big cookie days
71.) Car window markers
72.) Day of the dead
73.) My cell phone vibrating
74.) The (ever so slightest) scent of Axe, or other colognes
75.) Jess's highlighter hoodie
76.) Jumping triple front kick
77.) Thursdays
78.) Incense
79.) Getting new Victoria's Secret pink
80.) Oboes
81.) Ginger bread houses
82.) Climbing to higher places
83.) Rollercoasters
84.) Barefeet, and the grass btween my toes
85. Manhattan <3
This is gonna be kinda long, but these are things that make me happy :D
1.) Puppies
2.) Hot coffee, tea, or chocolate
3.) Sleeping in
4.) Certain music
5.) Purple
6.) Turtles
7.) Geese that interrupt class (honk, honk!)
8.) Other people getting in trouble
9.) Men <3
10.) Chapstick
11.) Scarves
12.) You!
13.) Nature
14.) When my banana tree grows a new leaf (I'm waaay to proud of this thing)
15.) Books and libraries, and certain librarians
16.) Children laughing
17.) Dinosaurs+ School buses
18.) oddly shaped telephones (hamburger, dinosaur, jelly bean, etc.)
19.) Colored glass bottles, sea glass
19.) The ocean/ beach
20.) Running with my hair down, and having the wind run through it
21.) Ice skating
22.) Falling down, tripping
23.) Passing notes in class
24.) wearing Uggs
25.) Swimming
26.) Funny quotes
27.) Forgetting to take my goggles off after lab
28.) Making playlists
29.) Lollipops
30.) Getting manis + pedis
31.) Cool Jewelry
32.) Snow, snowdays, and delays
33.) Fuzzy/toe socks
34.) Summer thunder storms
35.) Falling leaves
36.) Rain drops
37.) The moon, and stars
38.) Ice cream
39.) Gathering of the Vibes
40.) Playing tricks on unsuspecting people
42.) Shopping
43.) Getting the perfect gift for someone
44.) Making lists
45.) Indie music magazines
46.) Acoustic guitar
47.) Pianos
48.) New vocabulary words
49.) Black + White, or otherwise beautiful photography
50.) Lava lamps
51.) Inside jokes
52.) Clever blogs
53.) The Mac lab
54.) Genuinely nice people
55.) Vacuuming
56.) Organizing myself
57.) Stripes + Polka dots
58.) Lipstick napkins
59.) Bandannas
60.) Bananas in pajamas
61.) Christmas lights
62.) Chinese paper lanterns
63.) My bicycle
64.) Denis Leary (comedian)
65.) Wind chimes
66.) Playing sports: Karate, Track, Cheerleading, etc.
67.) My hammock chair
68.) Turf fields
69.) Dane Cook
70.) Big cookie days
71.) Car window markers
72.) Day of the dead
73.) My cell phone vibrating
74.) The (ever so slightest) scent of Axe, or other colognes
75.) Jess's highlighter hoodie
76.) Jumping triple front kick
77.) Thursdays
78.) Incense
79.) Getting new Victoria's Secret pink
80.) Oboes
81.) Ginger bread houses
82.) Climbing to higher places
83.) Rollercoasters
84.) Barefeet, and the grass btween my toes
85. Manhattan <3
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Because It's You
I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. But when I look at your picture, I have a hard time believing your not here. I feel like I could just pick up the phone and call you. I just have to wait a while at my computer and then your screen name will pop up and I know I’m in for a poetic conversation revolving around Billy Joel. It’s not possible for you to be dead. It’s a silly idea, really. Because I look at this picture of you at your Sweet 16, decked out like it’s 1986, and your smiling and laughing and getting ready to blow out the candles on your cake…. And I look at this picture, and I know you’re not dead. I know you’re not, because you can’t be. Because if you were, I’d have nothing left. You’re smiling and laughing and flaunting your Michael Jackson dance moves. You’re surrounded by your friends, happy as can be. You’re looking fabulous all the time.
Because you’re fabulous, and beautiful, and smart, and crazy. You’re one of the most amazing young women I’ve ever known, and I’m so glad that I’ve known you. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and my life is forever changed because of you. Your heart is so big, and your eyes are so blue, and I could cry just looking at you. Because you mean that much to me. Because I love you so, so much.
It’s hard to concentrate when all I can think about is you. Your beautiful smile, your cute hair, your silky skin and your eyes… I’ve never seen eyes like yours before. The way they pierce into my soul, like they can see everything about me, my darkest secrets and the lies I tell. Your eyes see right through me, and yet you still stuck around. You still wanted to be with me, even though you knew who I was and what I’d done.
You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever known, and I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I want you more than anything. I want to feel the softness of your hair, smell the sweet aroma that you wear so highly, and taste your warm lips. Just once more. Even if it’s just one night.
It’s been one-hundred and fifty days since June 17th. But I’m not counting.
I love you more than I can describe. And I can’t move on, but I’m trying. I want to be happy, and I think I am for the most part. But I miss you, and I want you. Because you mean the world to me. Because the last time we spoke, I told you I loved you. And I never got to hear your response.
-Shayna
Because you’re fabulous, and beautiful, and smart, and crazy. You’re one of the most amazing young women I’ve ever known, and I’m so glad that I’ve known you. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and my life is forever changed because of you. Your heart is so big, and your eyes are so blue, and I could cry just looking at you. Because you mean that much to me. Because I love you so, so much.
It’s hard to concentrate when all I can think about is you. Your beautiful smile, your cute hair, your silky skin and your eyes… I’ve never seen eyes like yours before. The way they pierce into my soul, like they can see everything about me, my darkest secrets and the lies I tell. Your eyes see right through me, and yet you still stuck around. You still wanted to be with me, even though you knew who I was and what I’d done.
You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever known, and I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I want you more than anything. I want to feel the softness of your hair, smell the sweet aroma that you wear so highly, and taste your warm lips. Just once more. Even if it’s just one night.
It’s been one-hundred and fifty days since June 17th. But I’m not counting.
I love you more than I can describe. And I can’t move on, but I’m trying. I want to be happy, and I think I am for the most part. But I miss you, and I want you. Because you mean the world to me. Because the last time we spoke, I told you I loved you. And I never got to hear your response.
-Shayna
Shayna.
Coheed & Cambria is my life.
I'm a very loud person.
I love Transformers.
I'm the pickiest eater ever.
I like Harry Potter.
I'm anti-Twilight.
I love all types of music.
I love Rockstar energy drinks.
I don't like sunlight.
I'm not a good singer, but I love to do it anyway.
I like to write.
I'm very creative.
I'm smart, but I say stupid things quite often.
I can be really obnoxious sometimes.
I have a shifty mood.
I like ABC soap operas.
I have ADD. The hyperactivity is unrelated.
I don't drink or do drugs.
I love cartoons.
I like to help people.
I love Britney Spears.
It's really easy to make me laugh.
I love Disney.
The Lion King on Broadway = Best. Show. Ever.
I have five brothers and one sister.
I hate politics.
I'm good at dream analysis.
I love DC Comics. I hate Marvel.
I'm Jewish and Wiccan.
I believe in spirits and demons.
I love movies.
I'm a guilty shopper.
I'm empathetic, passionate and strong.
I cry when I want to cry, fight when I want to fight and scream when I want to scream.
I'm good at keeping secrets.
I'm a very loud person.
I love Transformers.
I'm the pickiest eater ever.
I like Harry Potter.
I'm anti-Twilight.
I love all types of music.
I love Rockstar energy drinks.
I don't like sunlight.
I'm not a good singer, but I love to do it anyway.
I like to write.
I'm very creative.
I'm smart, but I say stupid things quite often.
I can be really obnoxious sometimes.
I have a shifty mood.
I like ABC soap operas.
I have ADD. The hyperactivity is unrelated.
I don't drink or do drugs.
I love cartoons.
I like to help people.
I love Britney Spears.
It's really easy to make me laugh.
I love Disney.
The Lion King on Broadway = Best. Show. Ever.
I have five brothers and one sister.
I hate politics.
I'm good at dream analysis.
I love DC Comics. I hate Marvel.
I'm Jewish and Wiccan.
I believe in spirits and demons.
I love movies.
I'm a guilty shopper.
I'm empathetic, passionate and strong.
I cry when I want to cry, fight when I want to fight and scream when I want to scream.
I'm good at keeping secrets.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Mary Goddamn Parisi
What was the last thing you looked up on Google?
I don't remember on my laptop, but on my other computer last time i went on it said "dead juggalo baby" in the search bar and all i thought was....damn it Vincent.
List three things near you:
Chris, a small yellow hippopotamus, and a blanket with the Jimi Hendrix experience on it
Tell someone something you really want to say to them but don't say their name.
I miss you more than i miss Play-Doh barber shops. We need to have a play date soon.
Would you rather be a limo driver or taxi driver?
taxi! i'd get to wear a cool hat and talk with an accent to the passengers about their days and their lives and stuff
Would you say your eyes are your best feature?
probably, my doctor this morning was like "you have beautiful eyes!" and i was like scan my head woman
If you could only use one condiment on your food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
uhh indonesian baby blood
I don't remember on my laptop, but on my other computer last time i went on it said "dead juggalo baby" in the search bar and all i thought was....damn it Vincent.
List three things near you:
Chris, a small yellow hippopotamus, and a blanket with the Jimi Hendrix experience on it
Tell someone something you really want to say to them but don't say their name.
I miss you more than i miss Play-Doh barber shops. We need to have a play date soon.
Would you rather be a limo driver or taxi driver?
taxi! i'd get to wear a cool hat and talk with an accent to the passengers about their days and their lives and stuff
Would you say your eyes are your best feature?
probably, my doctor this morning was like "you have beautiful eyes!" and i was like scan my head woman
If you could only use one condiment on your food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
uhh indonesian baby blood
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